Wolverine Liberation Army

When I was in 8^thgrade, I was in the school play. Dorkiness/awkwardness that implies aside, I

Michigan Recruit Davey Crockett

can honestly say that I did for a girl (What, that doesn’t help my case?). Yes, in my lame, “never-been-kissed” reality, I decided to cease my burgeoning football career (8 catches as a 7^th grade TE!) and bring my talents to the stage – because a guy with a stutter is what drama DEMANDS.

Anyway, the girl. Her name was Jen, and she was truly pretty, and pretty rad – frankly, out of my league. During scenes that didn’t involve either of us, she’d come over and take the right ear-bud of my headphones out and listen to “Under the Bridge” with me on my walkman. So, needless to say, I thought I had a shot. She seemed unreasonably interested in my fondness for Led Zeppelin, and this brand new band that not many people had heard of called Pearl Jam.

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Popularity: 14%

Yesterday, at MGoBlog, Brian posted his “Michigan Offensive team of the Decade”, which, upon reading the title, made this blogger eager to possibly write one of his own. Unfortunately, his post makes absolute sense, and makes further work largely pointless – save two small differences of opinion.

As staunch defenders of John Navarre’s legacy at Michigan, this blog was overjoyed to see Brian’s inclusion of the converted tight-end’s 2003 season as the best single season turned in by a Michigan Quarterback this decade. Navarre lead the Wolverines to a 10-3 overall record and captained what many at this blog consider the second-best team of the Lloyd Carr era (yes, better than 2006). The 2003 Wolverines lost nail-biting games to Oregon (giving up punt returns and punt blocks for two Duck TD’s) and Iowa (WHAT WAS THAT PUNT FORMATION) in what was a few strokes of bad luck away from being a National Championship appearance. We’re still in shock that Braylon didn’t catch Navarre’s 41 yard pass at the close of the game in Autzen. Navarre’s 2002 and 2003 seasons were unqualified successes, and we’re excited they’re being remembered as such.

But he didn’t turn in the decade’s best QB performance. That would be oft-maligned, somewhat hated, Drew Henson. If this was a UFR, I’d write something like “Henson left to play baseball (-1), poorly (-5), for the Yankees (-172) minor league affiliate (-9872).” But – RESULTS ORIENTATION!

Henson missed the first three and half games of the season with a foot injury, ceding ground to a RS Freshman John Navarre, who lead the Wolverines to easy victories over preliminary cupcakes, a loss at UCLA in which he failed to complete his last two zillion passes, and a terrible first half in Champaign, until Henson and Rocky Harvey rode in on their white horse, accompanied by the refs on their zebras to give Michigan the win (sorry, Rocky. Hope the head is better).

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Popularity: 20%

Jennie “don’t change your number” Finch has announced that she will step away from the field of play at the culmination of the current fastpitch season. This will mark the end of an era in which the undisputed face of American softball was both its most dominating force, and most tent pitching asset. In a statement, Finch said, “While I am sad to walk away from the game, I am happy to have left and indelible mark on the sport of softball, and know that it will continue to be popular with both women and men.” Men everywhere shook their head and rhetorically asked, “who is she kidding?”

When asked why she was stepping away from the game Finch responded, “To focus on modeling and being caught unaware of the paparazzi while vacationing in the Caribbean.” She then quickly added, “Just kidding” with her trademark smile. While obviously crushed, men everywhere commented on how classically beautiful she was while hitting themselves in their nether-regions with an assortment of blunt objects.

Dudes love Cat Oosterman... Right?

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Popularity: 17%

The WLA recently had an opportunity to sit down with Michigan Running Backs Coach Fred Jackson in order to get an early look at what Michigan fans can expec to see from the Wolverines in the upcoming season. The ebullient Jackson delivered – and then some, providing us with an in-depth, position-by-position breakdown of the team. Jackson also held court on a number of peripheral issues like Drew Rosenberg (“By far the greatest hatchet job I’ve ever seen in print”) and the NCAA violations (“Just an outstanding stretching”). We shall turn the site over to Coach Jackson. Previously, the offense.

Special Teams

Calling it special teams doesn’t come close to doing it justice. Special is sharing a nice moment with a loved one, or something you call that kid who’s a little off. We’ve got a third-string placekicker with the nerves of Vinatieri and the leadership skills of FDR. Brendan Gibbons would be the best running back at Michigan since Ty Wheatley, but he can kick the ball 75 yards while laying on his back, so he’s our punter. He kicks a nicer ball than those ball machines with the two spinning wheels, hand to Hart. I’m not afraid to say publicly that our kickers and punters would have won the World Cup by at least a couple of touchdowns.

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Popularity: 21%

Inception

Warner Bros.

Theaters. Theaters Everywhere.

148 minutes

Director Christopher Nolan’s last film outside of his rebooted Batman franchise was 2006’s “The Prestige,” a mystery on the mortal rivalry between two Victorian-era magicians. It opened and closed with the same question: “Are you watching closely?” That question has been the motto of Nolan’s filmmaking career since he debuted the expanses of his intellect with 2000’s “Memento.” Above all other sensory engagements, Nolan requires his audience’s undivided attention. Never has this been truer than with “Inception.” Because so much of his directorial work has been adapted from existing sources, Nolan’s ability to make his audience expand the boundaries of their perception has been only partially showcased. With “Inception,” an original work wholly his own, Nolan has the audience all to himself, and he doesn’t waste the opportunity.

The plot of Inception is too dense to encapsulate and too polished to spoil. In Nolan’s world exists the technology to invade, populate, and manipulate the human subconscious through dreams. Leonardo DiCaprio (“Shutter Island”) is Cobb, an expert practitioner of this invasion and fugitive for reasons unknown. He has a chance to clear his besmirched name via one last impossible job.

As a heist film, “Inception” relies on an ensemble of thieves; they even have titles that reflect their responsibilities. Ariadne is the Architect. Eames is the Forger. Yusuf is the Chemist. Arthur, well, shoot, he’s just Arthur. But he’s no less important than the rest of the gang. Joseph Gordon-Levitt (“500 Days of Summer”) fills the role with a clenched jaw, cherishing efficiency and precision above all. He steals the film with a fight scene, perhaps the best — and certainly the most creative — in years. It’s the technical centerpiece of the film and may not be topped in a lifetime.

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Popularity: 19%