As the WLA prepares to mobilize for this weekend’s intra-republic battle with those drunken masses (asses?) who seek to halt the Revolution, we have sent Comrade Ninja to infiltrate the enemy to understand who we are confronting in this battle. Through great ingenuity and trickery (like mesmerizing a young child with a shiny object), the WLA covert mission has brought back dossiers on the key mouth breathing brahs from the East Lansing outpost.

A special thanks to WLA Revolutionary Comrade mjvancamp for his massive contributions to this series.

The Abused
Those poor bastard sons of East Lansing who have suffered the greatest humiliation under the mud strewed boots of our fellow Wolverine comrades who have come before us.

Bobby Williams
Position: Head Coach 2000-2002

Highlight: Mr. Williams’ Spartans were thrashed 49-3 at the hands of Comrade Carr’s 2002 unit, the Spartans’ worst in loss in 55 years. Please note the significance of this point as this is an institution that has taken incredible losses to a new level. Two days following the humiliating defeat, Mr. Williams was relieved of his duties as head coach of the Spartans. Mr. Williams sealed his fate when asked during the post-game press conference if he had lost his team with his response “I don’t know.” Athletic Director Ron Mason’s response, “if he wasn’t sure, who was?”

Where Is He Now: Following a trip to Radio Shack to purchase LoJack to better locate a lost football team stolen at the hands of your most bitterest (a small tribute to the English program at MSU), Mr. Williams returned to the shadow under the wing of his old boss, Satan (aka Nick Saban). Following Satan from LSU to the Miami Dolphins to Alabama, where he is now the Tight Ends and Special Teams coach.

Drew Stanton
Position: Quarterback 2003-2006

Highlight: Having grown up in Okemos, Michigan, a suburb of Lansing, Mr. Stanton developed a colorful nickname for our beloved school, “The University of Puke,” thus demonstrating the originality of the unwashed barbarians from the northwest. Mr. Stanton had led his team to a 4-3 record entering the battle in the Big House. After staking the Spartans to a first half double digit lead, Mr. Stanton learned a valuable lesson: Guns don’t kill people, Lamar Woodley kills people. During a scramble, Mr Stanton was apprehended and driven into the turf by Comrade Woodley. The result was a dislocated shoulder and the stage was set for BraylonFest 2004.

Where Is He Now: Mr. Stanton was selected by the Detroit Lions with the 43rd overall pick in the 2007 NFL Draft. Not only was he cursed with joining the only institute in the State of Michigan more futile than the Spartan Football team (he must feel at home), he was placed on season-ending Injured Reserve during training camp on August 3, 2007 after having knee surgery. In 2008, as Mr. Stanton prepared for Year 2 of his NFL experience, he sprained his thumb on his throwing hand during preseason, keeping him out the remainder of the preseason. Now the GM who drafted him has been fired. As a polite reminder, the members of the WLA wish to inform Mr. Stanton that Karma’s a bitch. And now you are her bitch.

Other Notes: Mr. Stanton was a member of the national fraternity Sigma Alpha Epsilon at Michigan State University. Brah!!

Jaren Hayes
Position: Cornerback 2002-2005
Ross Weaver
Position: Cornerback 2006-2009

Highlight: The WLA has lumped these two, well, lumps together even though their respective moments of fame were separated by three years, as they have shared the same fate, and nickname: “Toast.” When the crowds of Michigan Stadium last saw Mr. Hayes, he was providing his finest effort to contribute to the highlights of the Braylon Edwards’ Touchdown Party 2004, having been the kind victim of the two leaping TD receptions in the final quarter of Michigan’s 17-point comeback against the Spartans.

The product of Southfield, MI, Mr. Weaver should have known better than to play cornerback at MSU, given the fact that some unfortunate soul will be selected by the Hand of Providence to fall victim to the wide receivers of our fellow Wolverines. Mr. Weaver’s moment of glory came with just over two minutes left in Little Brother’s futile effort to conquer our heroes in 2007.

Both Mr. Weaver and Mr. Hayes shall be forever immortalized in the photographs included:

Where Are They Now: Mr. Weaver remains a junior with the rabble from East Lansing and shall attempt to redeem himself this weekend. As for Mr. Hayes, his last known sighting was recorded as he was admitted to the Michigan State University Hospital for the Mental Diminished and Emotional Damaged, resident population of 36,072 (the same as the undergrad population of MSU). The poor bastard.