The capitalists have been hard at work this season. As expected, they have resorted to lies and libel to discredit our mission. An outpost of sensibility and deranged fervor, we have railed against unrealistic expectations, the Cult of Barwis-izing, and spoken to the necessity of leaving the success of the past in the past where it belongs. But this message has been reduced by the imperialists, who tell their followers that we are dragging them down. They spread hate and doubt about our glorious leaders and try to pull our faithful comrades down into the muck. On the one hand, they decry the soldiers who did not “buy in” to the revolution, but then try with their underhanded tactics to keep you, the worker and lifeblood of our movement, from buying in yourself.

Perhaps we have distorted our own mission at points, through violent drunken anger at the rebels. We take some responsibility for this. During the heat of battle, we have taken the rhetoric to extreme heights. But we do this only for the benefit of the people.

You see, what pigs like Jim Carty and his ilk fail to see is that we are on a mission from the Football Gods.

In a terrific twist, the long awaited battle with Carty has begun with a manifesto in which I do not vehemently disagree with him on the main thesis. It’s like rain on my wedding day, or ten thousand spoons when all I need is a knife.

The imperialist Carty claims there are no football messiahs, all while pathetically slapping at our army, implying we are on the receiving end of a pearl necklace from Comrade Barwis.

As usual, Carty fails to do his due diligence and ignores the repeated warnings from WLA that there no guarantees in football and that there is no order on high from the Lord that Comrade Rodriguez will be our “messiah”.

But this revelation only strengthens our mission. If you chose to only believe in a Revolution when there is a guarantee of ultimate success, then you will never fight. You will stand on the sidelines until the dust has cleared, take the side of the final victor, and attempt to harvest the wheat of victory with those who did the work. In a just world, you would then be strung up and riddled with bullets – but the world is not just, so instead you will be eating with the victors and reaping the rewards you do not deserve.

In your heart, you will always know of your shortcomings.

Workers of the Michigan fields, your salvation lies not in the pansy second guessing of hindsight geniuses like Carty. Salvation does not coach on a sideline in Baton Rouge. Salvation is prowling your very own sideline, working in the halls of our beloved University, and crossing the country scouting for new warriors.

Salvation will not be handed to us in a season, maybe not in two seasons. Painfully, we must be honest and say that salvation may never, ever come. At least not in the form of National Titles so many of us desire.

But if you want one guarantee, if you need one guarantee to get you to fight, to convert, to join the cause, to support our Revolution with your whole soul – then I offer you one guarantee.

When the battle is over, be it on the 50 yard line with Comrade Rodriguez hoisting a silver football or in a sad little press conference 5 years from now announcing another regime change, you will feel better if you spend the battle in the trenches. Cast your lot with a side, now. Join the Revolution, or fight against it. Do not follow the spineless peddlers of retrospective wisdom and waffle on the results of one week or one season. Football is too important and at the same time too frivolous for you to stand aside and play it safe. Fight for something.

And always remember – we are here for you. There is strength in our army. Workers, we will fight this battle together.

Viva la Revolucion!