As a movement of the people, we at the WLA always welcome reader feedback, comments, and submissions. This submission, by the aptly-named “El Trotsky”, is posted due to thematic relevance and general awesomeness.

Previous Jobs:

Prince of the Royal House of Qin, Adventurer, King, Unifier of China, Emperor

Background:

Qin Shi Huang has extensive experience in diplomacy and high stakes office politics, which will help him avoid the fate of comrade Schafer. By diplomacy, of course, we mean using brutal methods and constant warfare to achieve absolute dictatorial rule. Most applicable to his potential role as a defensive coordinator, however, is his experience in being the first to start the construction of the Great Wall of China, a new (read: massive) take on an old defensive philosophy: keep all the bad guys out.

Philosophy:

Having been the first to unify China, he is a very strong proponent of unity and team chemistry. Huang will violently kill and torture any dissenters. However, those who stay (and do not ask questions) will be…treated to large buffets catered by the Panda Express on North Campus. And might become champions, who knows.

He will want to build an enormous wall spanning the width of the field in order to render opposing rushing attacks completely and utterly useless. A strong proponent of adding the corpses of fallen enemies to the wall as fortification, meaning Michigan will only stop the opposing RB once before his decaying remains make our defenses stronger. This will likely have a large negative effect on recruiting for teams that play Michigan regularly. Very good at making adjustments initially, as his original Great Wall used local building materials (rocks in the mountains, dirt in the plains, etc) when possible in order to reduce labor costs, but horrid at in-game adjustments to the opposition since the wall requires large amounts of time to change in any way.

Pros:

* Very strong leader, able to thrive in extremely difficult environments. Loud opposing stadiums are insignificant in comparison to hordes of invading Mongols.
* Literal fear of death will bring team together.
* No chance of rushing success for other team.
* Could exclusively recruit LBs and DBs for an exotic 3-8, 4-7, or 0-11 defensive scheme.
* Strong stomach from dealing with years and years of authentic Chinese food
* Would bring many construction jobs to Michigan’s beleaguered economy
* Would devastate opposing teams and their recruiting with his “corpse to wall” policy on fallen players of other teams

Cons:

* Strong chance of getting arrested for murder and/or crimes against humanity
* Defensive scheme is very vulnerable to field goals.
* Need for total control would likely result in conflicts with, and the possible death of, Premier Rodriguez.
* No chance of rushing success for our team.
* Family values not readily apparent.
* In-game adjustments would not exist.
* Weak against Mongol Hordes
* Secretive nature means players would never see him.
* Scheme does not really work at away games.
* The Wall, along with liberal attitude towards mass murder, would probably ruin football as we know it.

The Verdict:

While Huang’s initial ideas of a massive wall and over-the-top violence would likely yield immediate results, he has very little in his bag of tricks outside of this. Huang is not very tolerant of failure, which is good until you remember he would be coaching 18 year old kids and has little regard for life. There is no doubt he would clash with Rodriguez after a lifetime of privilege and power and would probably not last long if not granted immediate and absolute control of the defense. Huang is high risk/high reward. If allowed to operate his Wall of Defense as he sees fit, Michigan’s opponents may never score again. However, this may be because the program would have to be disbanded due to numerous NCAA violations and capital offenses. Further, according to commenters at Notre Dame bastion Blue Gray Sky rumor has it that Genghis Khan, with a long history of breaching the “Great Wall Defense” has stated that “Notre Dame is his dream job”.