Editor’s note: If you’re looking for a way to fritter away the work day, and catch some idea of what’s happening in the Michigan/Iowa game, head over to Maize n’ Brew, where they are hosting a CIL. Most of us WLA people will likely be in attendance.

We understand that our fellow Revolutionaries have a thirst for Zima and knowledge regarding the future recruiting targets of Comrade Rodriguez. To quench that thirst, the WLA has tapped into our vast network of informants and sent numerous Revolutionaries into the field to scour the country to seek our future gridiron soldiers. We have taken extreme measures to identify, qualify, and rank the future recruits and present the single most important recruit for each of the classes during Comrade Rodriguez’s leadership of our football team.

We present to you, our Very Mostest Critical Recruits By Class: Part III (2020 – 2024) (Link to Part I and Part II)

Recruiting Class – 2020 (1st Grade): Johnny “The Foot” Harrison (K-P / 3’10″ / 59 lbs / 8.66-40 / Flint (Doyle-Rider Elementary School), MI)

Rated the best line leader of his class, Johnny “The Foot” Harrison devastates the recess competition with his booming leg. Often the giver of bruised faces and skinned knees, The Foot’s skills are unmatched. To follow in the long line of chubby Michigan kickers, Johnny must start eating more. His mom already notes that he doesn’t particularly enjoy vegetables, just meat and potatoes. At 3’10″, Johnny doesn’t really need to grow anymore as cleats and Internet speculation should put him around 5’8″. The Foot will also prove that “Healthy People 2020″ is full of shit.

YMRMFSPATGIYAAOAJM*: Garrett Rivas (Michigan, stocky)

Coach’s Take: Early childhood obesity lead to DIABETES AND WEDGIES. No SUGAR COATING.

5'9" 211lbs Never Kicked So Good

Recruiting Class – 2021 (Kindergarden): Jerry Ford (OC / 4’0″ / 54 lbs / 7.13-40 / Grand Rapids (Eastside Christian School), MI)

Great-great-great grandson of President Gerald Ford. A legacy recruit and definition of Michigan Man. Jerry has spent many a football Saturday watching the Wolverines in his father’s den surrounded by the autographed picture of Bo and Gerald and various framed images of Michigan Stadium while wearing the vintage leather Michigan football helmet worn by the President. While Jerry is a fine, upstanding boy with nary a moral issue to be concerned with, yet there is a concern that he views football as a stepping stone into public office and may forgo his senior year to enroll in Yale’s law school. The benefits of signing Jerry include unretiring his great-great grand father’s #48 and that he won’t require a scholarship due to Gerald’s various scholarship endowments at the University. Project a likely recruiting battle with Grand Valley State, Yale and Georgetown.

YMRMFSPATGIYAAOAJM: Gerald Ford (Michigan, Presidential)

Coach’s Take: Ford need SNAP BALL not just DEMOCRATS, not just REPUBLICANS, but WHOLE TEAM. Need BI-PARTISAN SNAPPING.

Those Who Graduate... Will Need to Find Employment

Recruiting Class – 2022 (5 Years Old): Andrei “The Red Scare” Drago (DE / 114 cm (3’9″) / 20.4 kg (45 lbs) / 6.94-40 / Moscow, Soviet Union Russia)

Son of former Soviet “amateur” boxing champion Ivan Drago. The tall, powerful Communist threat off of the edge had been a lock to join to Red Army boxing team to follow in his father’s footsteps.  But the nationalization of the automotive and finance industries in the United States, and the rise to power of the communist socialist liberal Democratic Party following the 2008 Presidential Election has given the young Russian the will to venture to the United States to avenge the stunning defeat of his father at the hands of Rocky Balboa in Moscow on Christmas Day 1985. Andrei is a favorite of the WLA, and our chemists are hard at work to ensure his Kremlin (and Alex Rodriguez) approved training regime will be “acceptable” to the NCAA. Michigan and Cal are seen as Andrei’s leading suitors given the political leanings of both campuses.

YMRMFSPATGIYAAOAJM: Glen Steele (Michigan)

Coach’s Take: Coach cry not JUST when apollo die, but when rocky win HEARTS AND MINDS.

That's What He Said

Recruiting Class – 2023 (4 Years Old): Geoffrey Perles (OG/ 3’4″ / 44 lbs / 9.63-40 / East Lansing, MI)

A late developer who is still in diapers and needs to wear a helmet due to his lack of balance. The boy sleeps with a stuffed Sparty doll and his parents have tried to disassociate themselves with him in public.  He spends many of his weekends with his great uncle George Perles. He has been asking his great uncle if he would get him a nice barbed wire tattoo for his birthday along with a copy of “300″. Saying his physical gifts are few and far between is being generous, but those “gifts” dwarf his mental abilities.

Ag School Degree --> Future in Lawn Maintenance

Recruiting Class – 2024 (3 Years Old): Aristide “Moto Moto” Boudreaux (DT / 3’5″ / 42 lbs / 8.27-40 / Vermilion Parish, LA)

A future run stuffing force of nature born on the bayou of Vermilion Parish. Being fed a steady diet of jambalaya, gumbo, and andouille will develop the young boy into a robust nose guard capable of crushing his family’s refrigerator door and opposing offensive linemen. He has maintained his agility by avoiding the various predators native to the bayou: alligators, snakes and recruiting guru/pedo Tom Lemming hiding in the bushes. LSU HC Les Miles has been quoted regarding Mr. Boudreaux as “he’s a damn strong young man that would be right at home in Baton Rogue.” It may be difficult to extract the young Cajun from Louisiana. Coach Rodriguez takes special delight in Aristide’s “Moto Moto” nickname as it hearkens to the family friendly animated movies he finds relevant to leading a football team.

YMRMFSPATGIYAAOAJM: Gabe Watson (Michigan, round and chunky)

Coach’s Take: Coach like not just MADAGASCAR but also meerkat MANOR.

I Like 'em Big And Chunky

* YMRMFSPATGIYAAOAJM == You May Remember Me From Such Players As This Guy If You Are As Old As Jamie Mac