Important Recruits in Future Classes Part IV

We understand that our fellow Revolutionaries have a thirst for Zima and knowledge regarding the future recruiting targets of Comrade Rodriguez. To quench that thirst, the WLA has tapped into our vast network of informants and sent numerous Revolutionaries into the field to scour the country to seek our future gridiron soldiers. We have taken extreme measures to identify, qualify, and rank the future recruits and present the single most important recruit for each of the classes during Comrade Rodriguez’s leadership of our football team.

We present to you, our last (thankfully) installment of Very Mostest Critical Recruits By Class: Part IV (2025 – 2029) (Link to Part I, Part II and Part III)

Recruiting Class – 2025 (2 Years Old):  Daniel Michalski (OT / 3’3″ / 34 lbs / 8.28-40 (but faster than you care to run in a grocery store) / Libertyville, IL)

A big kid with non-stop motor that developed a serious mean streak by being a younger brother.  Long arms and thick in the seat, the drive blocking machine loves to run over his older brother and is willing to push or slug whoever is trying to get to his things. His practice regime is comprised of running over who ever walks in the door and chasing the family dog around the house.  After a long day of running his parents ragged, he can be found chilling with his bottle and blanket.


Coach’s Take:  DIAPERS good product for INFANTS AND coaches with INCONTINENCE.

Recruiting Class – 2026 (1 Year Old):  Towen Schmitt James (FB / 2’3″ / 24 lbs / 12.78-40 / Morgantown, WV)

Conceived in a drunken post Fiesta Bowl celebration between Towen’s parents and rabid ‘Neers fans Destiny and Mitch James (tow truck driver) .  Towen will need to overcome substantial odds to achieve the level of success that his namesake has, given his steady diet of Mountain Dew and Wonder Bread and ketchup sandwiches (which would make any dentist cringe) and hard scrabble upbringing, but given Owen’s rise from obscurity at D-III Univesity of Wisconsin-River Falls (best known for the famed trout fishing Kinnickinnic River) to cult status at WVU, this seems a reasonable assumption.

YMRMFSPATGIYAAOAJM: Owen Schmitt (West Virginia, runaway beer truck)

Where Did I Leave The Keys To The Beer Truck?
Where Did I Park The Beer Truck?

Coach’s Take:  Beer truck good for DELIVERING beers and sleeping in DOWN by the river.

Recruiting Class – 2027 (in utero):  Jordan Ray (K-P / 0’4″ / 14 ozs / NA / Torrance, CA)

The soon-to-be southern California product has diligently been working on his leg strength, regularly practicing his technique roughly an hour following his mother Rachel’s meals and a couple of times during the night.  Rachel has indicated that Jordan is likely to be a busy little boy and may have already cracked one of his mother’s ribs, but fortunately his lack of consistency has spread the damage to other body parts.

YMRMFSPATGIYAAOAJM: Hayden Epstein (Michigan, Big leg / bad aim)

Who Knew Navarre Could Jump?  But Were Going to Feel It When He Lands.
Who Knew Navarre Could Jump? But We're Going to Feel It When He Lands.

Coach’s Take: Coach like 30 minute, HOUR and THREE hour meals.

Recruiting Class – 2028 (a night with one too many bottles of wine from happening):  Thomas Brady, Jr. (QB / 0.001mm / 0.001 ozs / 22.68-40 / Boston, MA)

With the recent wedding of Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady, the birth of a future UofM QB can’t be too far off.  Given the amount of advertising work and magazine covers for both of Tom Jr’s parents, it appears that the recruiting battle will be between Michigan and the Ford Modeling Agency.  The WLA has outsourced the scouting of this “recruit” to the members of the MGoBlog community who have been busy stalking The Tate’s love life, as we would rather stay out of that.  As a fall back, Rich Rodriguez has contacted former actress and Brady-baby-mama Bridget Moynahan regarding the future college choices of her son, John Brady Moynahan.

YMRMFSPATGIYAAOAJM: Drew Henson (much to his father’s dismay).

Thats One Good Lookin Babby
Thats Going To Be One Good Lookin Babby

Coach’s Take:  Coach Rodriguez need RECRUIT John Moynahan AND Drew Henson Jr.  QB competition GOOD for WHOLE PROGRAM.

Recruiting Class – 2029:  Zorg (QB/Alien hybrid / 7’2″ / 75 lbs / 3.12-40 / Valles Marineris (NASA Jet Propulsion Lab), Mars)

Stirred up after another mission to Mars by the United States and NASA (all Michigan alumni), Zorg was compelled to travel to Earth and join the Wolverines. Due to the great distances between Earth and Mars, Zorg isn’t slatted to arrive for 20 years; which is the same amount of time it takes Steven Threet to finally decide on a school. With 4 arms and 8 rotating legs, Zorg can both throw on the move and phase through opponents. He is hard to tackle, due to advances in alien technology. His greatest weakness is his ability to grasp the English language. Friend of Zoltan Mesko.

YMRMFSPATGIYAAOAJM: Jar Jar Binks (Star Wars, idiot)

Maybe We Can Just Paint the Winged Helmet On Him?
Maybe We Can Just Paint the Winged Helmet On Him?

Coach’s Take:  Zorg grasp ENGLISH LANGUAGE gooder than COACH, but still need IMPROVE. Just epinion, no sugarCOAT.

* YMRMFSPATGIYAAOAJM == You May Remember Me From Such Players As This Guy If You Are As Old As Jamie Mac