First, please read the first in chiwolverine’s ongoing series dedicated to the grooming of the GERG.

Per the Detroit Free Press this is not, is, is not an April Fool’s Day Joke. We will be sure to update you on the whims of their fact-checking.

Today, news has broken that former High-School football All-American and recent Duke Guard/tea-bag recipent Greg Paulus may enroll at Michigan to play a single season as quarterback.

To top this news, top-level WLA sources have sent in the following statement from another surprising recruit:

DEAD CUBAN IDEALOGUE MAY BE ANSWER TO WOLVERINE’S SAFETY NEEDS

(Spectral Plane) In a surprise announcement Che Guevara – doctor, revolutionary, and teen dream, made clear his intentions to don the winged beret of the Michigan Wolverines – as a strong safety.

“Safeties often take the brunt of the ire of fans after a long play – look at Stevie Brown. I’ve been accused of sadistically torturing and killing dissenters, and hunting down to murder any soldier that dared go AWOL. I can handle the scrutiny,” assured a cocky Guevara.

“I like his attitude – he’s a little cocky, and you need that in a great football player. Also, Michigan should play night-games accompanied by Metallica and dry-ice machines,” said an internet message board poster. “He’s showing his true character by choosing Michigan over Ohio State.”

Some concerns, however, remain. For one, Guevara lacks a coporal body, making tackling difficult. Further, it’s unsure that Beezlebub will grant him a full release to play NCAA college football. Finally, as demonstrated by his inconsistent peformance in guerilla attacks in the Sierra Maestra mountains, his tactics are questionable, calling into doubt whether he can take the correct tackling angle.

In the end, however, Rodriguez is optimistic.

“As Che once said: ‘¡Patria o muerte! Venceremos!’. We need that kind of do-or-die attitude on our team.”

***

Amusingly, the Detroit Free Press originally claimed that the Fox Sports story was an “April Fools Day Joke” put to press on 4/15. They apparently came to this conclusion without speaking to anyone at Fox Sports, or a source. Bravo, Free Press.