Self-Test: Recruiting

Multiple Choice (Choose all the apply)

Question 1: How do I deal with Michigan recruits dropping places in the rankings?
A) Bitch about them dropping for being already committed.
B) Fret about not having any top 100 recruits in May.
C) Get enraged that Rivals sucks at ranking players and isn’t fair, then shamefully realize my last post was demeaning Rich Rod for offering ‘middle of road’ WRs, where middle of the road is determined using rankings like Rivals. Oops.
D) Point out RR track record in excelling with recruits that are low ranked, and hell, it’s only fucking May, these kids are juniors in high school and this addiction is borderline pedophilia even to the greeks/spartans (the ancient ones, not the rollerbladin’ brahs in the EL).
E) Just D.

Question 2: How do I communicate my feelings about reduced rankings to said recruits?
A) MySpace. Immediately. I’m friends with them all.
B) Facebook wallposts. It makes me feel connected to 16/17 year old freak athletes I have nothing in common with.
C) What are MySpace and Facebook?
D) Whooaa, people actually friend recruits and then talk to them? That’s really fucking creepy.
E) http://pedobear.org/
F) Do I get extra credit for interviewing recruits?

Question 3: My next post on recruiting will be about -
A) How Scout is better than Rivals because they rank current Michigan recruits higher.
B) How Star Ratings don’t matter because Pat White.
C) How Star Ratings don’t matter because Kevin Grady.
D) OMG 2 mny slot recevers!!11!!!!
E) I recruit “Talent”, if you know what I mean (/wink /ninjafootball).

True/False

Question 4: I spend too much time following recruiting.
A) True
B) False

Question 5: My wife would divorce me if she knew how much time I dedicated to 17 year old boys.
A) True
B) True

Question 6: I am aware that Michigan is at a huge disadvantage in recruiting to the Southern schools, and at a smaller disadvantage to OSU.
A) True
B) Fal$e

Question 7: I now realize how much better my life was before I followed recruiting. Finding out about who was recruited to Michigan only when they hit the field was much less involved.
A) True
B) I’m in Denial.

Short Answer

Question 8: In 54.7 words or less, justify how questioning Michigan’s recruiting strategy (eg, questioning if RR knows he needs defensive recruits) two months into the first full cycle RR is part of (among other evidence proving it’s not RRs first rodeo) does not make you some kind of reverse sycophant that is still 100% pure fail.

Kirby Line Breaks
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Answer Key

1. D or E. We would also have accepted “I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize.”
2. C (half credit) or D (full credit)
3. Kate Beckinsale, Rachel McAdams, or Elisha Cuthbert.
4. A. We also would have accepted “I spend too much time criticizing people for following recruiting.”
5. A or B.
6. Answering E$$-EEE-CEE, O$UCK$, or U$C results in immediate death by harpoon.
7. A, or if you opened up http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twelve-step_program immediately after.
8.

Hold your fucking horses