Don’t forget to scroll down and read BUCKEYE TRASH SAM from We Will Always Have Tempe and his preview of the OSU Motor City Bowl dream.

Dear WLA:

Thanks for being the greatest blog in the blong  history of bloggers blogging. I read your site six times a day and it helps ease my crippling social anxiety.

My question is why come you no got the insider information? Does this mean you no care Michigan football? Only true fan have insider connections. I know that Mike Barwis likes to shake four times and that Rich Rodriguez eats with chopsticks, even when it isn’t Asian food. But I not know information from this blog but from OTHER blog. Are you no fan Michigan?

- Dick

Dear Dick:

You have discovered our dirty secret. I can’t speak for all here, but I only watch Michigan football to keep up my hetero tough guy image. In my heart, I’m crocheting a picture of a ballerina dancing on a rainbow.

As such, I tend to only casually follow Michigan recruiting exploits and “watch the games”. I have little to no interest in what players may, or may not, or maybe not maybe have not yes “family values” issues or problems with “pad level”. This does make me clueless – about shit that doesn’t matter – and it also makes me a better person than people who do obsessively track, fabricate, and report such nonsense.

In conclusion, the WLA may be annoying, confrontational, ill-informed about pad level, unlikely to report “news”, and unjustly persecuted by the Aspergian legions of Michigan fans who can’t take Bo’s dick out of their mouth – but at least we aren’t 40 year olds running the even-dumber-than-the-original college football version of TMZ.

Dear WLA:

I have a problem with my happiness; he is a wonderful man who has a beauty that overwhelms me; we have a beautiful home; I am monogamous for the first time in a decade. But I just learned that I am the spitting image of a man in jail for raping my boyfriend.

He says he is not in a place to dig up his emotions about the subject and wants to hold off on sex—fine by me. I admire him and his courage to be with me despite my appearance. I still love him, but I feel like there is something I could do to help him, to help us. So I guess I am asking for suggestions.

—Asking Not Begging

Dear ANB:

Maybe you sent this to the wrong address, but I’ll try to help anyway. You see, what your boyfriend is secretly telling you is that he wants you to rape him. Unless you are Guy Incognito and have been perusing local dives, you probably aren’t some random strangers exact double.

I suggest you set up a candle light dinner, make his favorite meal, hit him over the head with a cast iron skillet and make sweet forced love to his unconscious flesh in the middle of the dining room.

Dear WLA:

What did you think of the Speidi wedding?

-For Dex

Dear For Dex:

Thank you for this totally unsolicited question that happens to cover a topic I would like to write about at this exact moment in time.

I do not loathe Spencer Pratt as much as the common man may. Sure, he’s a douche, and yeah, I think we’ve all masturbated daydreamed about choking him once in a while. He’s got a great sense of celebrity though, and I admire the way he has stretched his 15 minutes into something more like 21 minutes and a gig on that awesome NBC reality show.

Also, Heidi has a superb body and it’s not like they are actually going to be a married “couple” in any sense of the term, so he’ll still get random herpes-infested LA ass on top of his bi-monthly heavy petting session with Montag – which is strictly for the cameras who happen to be stationed outside the window. And then, in six or so months, they’ll make a super awkward sex tape which has potential to feature some lolworthy moments like Spencer prematurely ejaculating or Heidi slipping on a used condom and breaking her skull open. There’s literally no downside to this marriage, even though we all sympathize with Lauren and the pain the Speidi relationship has caused her.

Thanks for reading folks, we’ll have more mail again soon!