It’s a difficult nugget of trivia to remember at times, but Tate Forcier is only 18 years old. I barely knew how to dress myself at age 18. He might even think Nickelback is legitimate art — that age produces some oft-kilter views on the world. Forcier also appears to be 27 in football years. Produced in-vitro from frozen Kenny Stabler sperm and eggs donated by a female Montana family member, Forcier has been bred to play QB. My suspicion is that if the Forciers weren’t sending their breakthrough science project to Ann Arbor the Wolverine fans would be more than a little derisive towards a guy who posts his offer sheets on his own website, was home-schooled, and coached by noted personal QB coach Marv Marinovich. But he is coming here, and we’re bursting in our pants with excitement.
It’s a difficult nugget of trivia to remember at times, but Tate Forcier is only 18 years old. I barely knew how to dress myself at age 18. He might even think Nickelback is legitimate art — that age produces some oft-kilter views on the world. Forcier also appears to be 27 in football years. Produced in a tube from frozen Kenny Stabler sperm and eggs donated by a female Montana family member, Forcier has been bred to play QB. My suspicion is that if the Forciers weren’t sending their breakthrough science project to Ann Arbor the Wolverine fans would be more than a little derisive towards a guy who posts his offer sheets on his own website, was home-schooled, and coached by noted personal QB tutor Marv Marinovich. But he is coming here, and we’re bursting in our pants with excitement.
I’m just kidding – I didn’t really cum in my pants.
While Forcier might be the QB Savior of Michigan, our pigskin throwing Moses to lead us out of one whole year in the wilderness, he’s also moving from California and into Ann Arbor along with a few thousand other 18 years olds from around the world. That first year in the adult training bubble of college isn’t always a smooth adjustment. We (Um, some of you, anyway) joke about how much work he must be getting from the girls in Ann Arbor. It’s a funny running joke, but I don’t doubt that there is a big chunk of the A2 female population that wouldn’t mind taking a ride on his disco stick. Judging by the sometimes near erotic fan fiction I’ve been seeing regarding him being a future NFL starter and winner of every award ever, I think there’s a quite a few football fans looking to take their turn as well. Metaphorically, of course.
Disco Stick
This is all sets up for a fascinating career narrative that is stuffed full like an .. overstuffed …thing. Will Forcier flame out and transfer? Are you telling me you never wake up in a cold sweat, your dream Tate laying in a concussed heap on the 50 yard line, surrounded by giraffes with the head of rhinos and dancing citronella candles? Then what happens …? Denard? I hope, I really do, that Denard is awesome. Realistically, the odds might be against us on that one; at least as far as QB play is concerned. Rich Rodriguez certainly un-earthed a diamond in Pat White when he took him to be his QB, and that is a good sign. But what are the chances he does it again, 50/50? Nick Sheridan? We love him … but yeah. I don’t think it’s really necessary to talk about what happens if David Cone or Jack Kennedy or Nader-nader-nader-notagonnaplayQBhere start at any point. One of them might be Steamin’ Willie Beamon in a winged helmet, but I’d rather not find out.
While Forcier might be the QB Savior of Michigan, our pigskin throwing Moses to lead us out of one whole year in the wilderness, he’s also moving from California and into Ann Arbor along with a few thousand other 18 years olds from around the world. That first year in the adult training bubble of college isn’t always a smooth adjustment. We (Um, some of you, anyway) joke about how much work he must be getting from the girls in Ann Arbor. It’s a funny running joke, but I don’t doubt that there is a big chunk of the A2 female population that wouldn’t mind taking a ride on his disco stick. Judging by the sometimes near erotic fan fiction I’ve been seeing regarding him being a future NFL starter and winner of every award ever, I think there’s a quite a few football fans looking to take their turn as well. Metaphorically, of course.
This is all sets up for a fascinating career narrative that is stuffed full like an .. overstuffed …thing. Will Forcier flame out and transfer? Are you telling me you never wake up in a cold sweat, your dream Tate laying in a concussed heap on the 50 yard line, surrounded by giraffes with the head of rhinos and dancing citronella candles? Then what happens …? Denard? I hope, I really do (and you will read plenty more about this later), that Denard is awesome.Realistically, the odds might be against us on that one; at least as far as QB play is concerned. Rich Rodriguez certainly un-earthed a diamond in Pat White when he took him to be his QB, and that is a good sign. But what are the chances he does it again, 50/50? Nick Sheridan? We love him … but yeah. I don’t think it’s really necessary to talk about what happens if David Cone or Jack Kennedy or Nader-nader-nader-notagonnaplayQBhere start at any point. One of them might be Steamin’ Willie Beamon in a winged helmet, but I’d rather not find out.
Eventually summer is going to be all finished, and this cute torrid love affair is going to turn ugly fast for some. I don’t know if Vegas put odds (paging Jamie Mac … oh wait … he’s here www.justcoverblog.com … ) on Tate throwing an INT in the first half of the WMU game, but it’s not a crazy possibility. And a lot of our first instincts are going to be to get caught up in the atmosphere, and proclaim him a bust. Maybe not that far, but it starts with the grumbling. Then it’s the talk of benching. And coaching up. And whether he can handle the grind. And then the whole mess is spiraling out of control and we’re in the midst of a fan imagined QB controversy.
Rich Rodriguez gets paid the big bucks to ignore our amateur handwringing, and I have no doubt he will stick to his plan and make any necessary adjustments without our assistance. It’s possible I’m being paranoid, but I heard people two seats away from me declaring RR to be more of the “same old shit” on the third play of the Utah game. They were done with his offense by half-time. There’s a precedent for this type of behavior and you can see the storm gathering if you look close enough. If Forcier doesn’t come close to meeting the rapidly inflating expectations being created, he’ll be villified. Future Most Popular Man in Ann Arbor Denard Robinson is moving in now, and summer’s quickly disappearing. Let’s enjoy these last, fleeting, innocent weeks of hero worship.
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