Wolverine Liberation Army

Charles Jonathan “Jabba” Weis is most certainly getting firebombed out of South Bend this week, that much we can be sure of.  It would be kind of tough to keep him as the coach at this point, especially after the guy basically admitted that his firing would be deserved, so it’s only a matter of time.

Since Weis will be unemployed soon, we here at the WLA have complied a list of opportunities that we feel would properly utilize his particular skill set.  Hopefully Weis will consider this list some good will on our part as Michigan fans as we only hope the best for him.

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Popularity: 18%

After almost a full month of College Hoops, I’m here to break down the Power E-Rankings showing the most awesomest teams ever, always, so far this season.  These rankings are based on actual facts and are in no way biased.  A team of 7 mathematicians, a statistician and a different kind of mathematician came up with these current rankings.

The below power rankings take into account all games played prior to today (November 30, 2009). 

#1   Marquette: After a tough 1 point loss to Florida State in the Old Spice Classic, Marquette still sits atop the leader board as the #1 team in the history of sports because of their huge win over Michigan on Friday.  This will most likely guarantee them a #1 or #2 seed in the NCAA tourney.

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Popularity: 10%

Glenn Winston’s Fists of Fury were a flyin’ again last weekend, this time landing not on Hockey Players but on females and engineering students.  Bravo, Winston, bravo.  Why don’t you try picking on someone your own size?  Oh wait….

Now, how exactly was Winston identified as one of the assailants in this matter?  Your first thought is probably because he JUST had ACL surgery.  He can’t be moving around very well and was probably on crutches.  What the hell is this guy doing beating nerds so soon after surgery?  Isn’t there a 6-month recovery period before you can attempt assault and battery?

But no, it’s not because of the crutches.  It’s because of his sweet Save-A-Lot Spartan ski-mask.  So stylish:

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Popularity: 13%

Yo, America. DEX here. I’m gonna bring the TRUTH to you hard and straight about THE NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE. These are the realest power rankings out there. You come here for rankings that aren’t afraid to SPEAK THE TRUTH and tell it like it is. No punches pulled, no wishy-washy analysis, just pure, chunky, frothy streams of facts raining down on to your face from above. I’ve got opinions, and YOU ARE GOING TO READ THEM.

Now, the actual formula I use is very complicated and involves many notebooks full of numbers and notes. I’ll provide you highlights from those scores for the elite (Top 1/4th) of the league, and just some capsules for those lesser clubs that don’t warrant your attention. But, and I promise you this, I will never reveal the full formula that goes into the Most Accurate Power Rankings In The Interworld.

#1 – Detroit Lions

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Popularity: 9%

Delonte West is a guard for the Cleveland Cavaliers. He will be providing the WLA with a weekly rundown of the major upcoming games of the week.

1. Boston Celtics (10-4). Despite some recent struggles – notably a loss to the Orlando Magic, a game they lost despite holding Dwight HowARD THE DUCK WAS THE WORST PIECE OF SHIT MOVIE I’VE SCENE IN MY LIFE. WHEN I THINK THAT GEORGE LUCAS MAKES MILlion Little Pieces, despite Frey’s disingenuous portrayal of a true story truly touched my heart. One thing I like about the NBA is all the time I get to read when I’m out on the road. Recently, I’ve even started to take up the guitar WHICH PROVIDES A CONVENIENT RECEPTACLE FOR MY SHOTGUN THAT I CARRY AROUND IN CASE THE ZFT AMBUSHES ME AND TRIES TO INJECT ME WITH GROwth is very important to me, as a person, which is why I’ve tried to branch out in a number of different cultural directions, of with literature and music are really only a start. I really think that, looking forward to my future beyond basketball, this cultural background with provide me with opportunities after I’m done plAY WITH A SOCKIF THEY WANT ME TO. THE LEATHER BALL IS JUST ANOTHER WAY THAT THEY’RE TRYING TO LULL US, TO MAKE US COMPLACENT BEFORE THE VISITORS FROM THE OTHER DIMENSions to my life are very important. I’m also an avid fan of body-art, and even quite a good cook. I’m not down all of the “french technique” stuff, but I learned how to make some great chicken and hot sauce and even sometimes make my own home-made doNUTS THAT ROOKIE PIECE OF SHIT BETTER NOT FUCKING FORGET MY KRISPY KREME DONUTS HE THINKS I WAS JUST JOKING AROUND WITH HIM, BUT I’M WATCHING, WAITING FOR SIGNS THAT HE’S ONE OF THEM, SECRETLY TRYING TO STARVE US BEFORE OUR GAME AGAINST THOSE, FILTHY, LYING CELTICS WHO LET ME GO AFTER I GAVE THEM THREE YEARS OF MY LIFE.

Please check back next week, for Delonte West’s NBA Power-rankings.

Popularity: 8%