Dear Asshats (aka people who think RichRod should be fired now):

Hello. You don’t know me, but I’m the guy that’s going to tell it like it is. If you’re upset with the direction Rich Rodriguez is taking the Michigan football program and would like to see him fired now, there are some unavoidable realities you need to face.

1. Firing Rich Rodriguez After Two Seasons is an Extremely Bad Idea

I don’t know what your next step would be, so help me walk through the timeline here. First, do you want RichRod to be fired right fucking now, before he’s even allowed to finish his second season? If so, then wow- conceivably, the team could win one of these last two games (unlikely, I know) and go to a bowl game…and you’d still think it wasn’t good enough to stop the termination of the head coach before his second season was finished. Wow.

But suppose we take the more likely finish of 5-7, and you believe he should be fired but only after that’s occurred. Ok, that puts Michigan (back) in a national coaching search in early December, when all the “good” coaches are preparing for bowl games and while several other programs are trying to land those very same “good” coaches, and you know what? We went through this already and it sucked donkey balls. How much confidence do you have that a retiring Bill Martin is going to do a better, more aggressive hiring job now than he did then (back when he barely lumbered up and offered Greg freaking Schiano)? Best case scenario is that Martin finds somebody, anybody by the end of the month. Worst case scenario is, well, worse- we don’t have a coach until mid-January, mere weeks before National Signing Day. Awesome.

Which brings us to the next point about firing RichRod now- the recruiting class will be decimated. Take a look at the verbals- until a coach is landed, none of those guys is a lock because most are a “fit” for RichRod’s system. That goes especially for the best recruit (QB Devin Gardner) who would definitely go to another spread option-based program, no sugarcoat. With all the roster issues Michigan is suffering through now, why would you be eager to inflict even more of that on the program you claim to love so much? Making a coaching change now would haunt the program for at least 3-4 more years- how is that better than sticking with a coach for 2+ more years?

2. Calling for 1 is the Act of an Immature, Delusional Dickbag
I know this from experience. I remember in Lloyd’s first few years as coach, I was an unhappy hater. I called years of 8-4 “unacceptable,” I called for Fred Jackson’s head (weird, huh?), I really wanted somebody else as coach blah blah blah. Most of you already know this story- 1997 happened and I realized that the magical national championship season could have easily been 8-4 and I really really really didn’t know what the hell I was talking about. I chalked that asshole phase of my fandom up to youth and moved along.

You, however, seem to have “grown up” without ever accepting the fact that you don’t know what you’re talking about and therefore you would suck as a football coach. I at least own up to the fact that I don’t know dick about football (latest example). The game is fascinating and entertaining and frustrating, but God help me if I try to pick out some crucial block, double move, head fake, etc. Despite my best efforts to learn more from gsimmons and Steve Sharik and Chris Brown, I’m hopeless. And I think it’s safe to say I’m not the only one. We see the ball, we follow the ball, we love/hate the result of the movement of the ball, and that’s about all we can do.

If you admit that you don’t know jack about football (and you likely don’t), then it follows that you have no special knowledge or information that lends credibility to your judgement that RichRod should be fired. You don’t know football, therefore you also don’t know football coaching, so STFU and try and enjoy yourself. Anything else simply means you judge people and programs solely on outcomes and completely ignore process. I say from personal experience that’s a shitty way to be a fan, and you need to realize that your shitty fandom is making it worse for the non-shitty fans.

3. This Is Not Up to You
How many times must this be explained to you?

4. There Are No Better, Realistic Options Right Now
What kind of message will this program send to hot coaching prospects if Rich Rodriguez is fired after two seasons? A coaching search is a two-way street- Michigan is an attractive job, sure, but we’d presumably be pursuing equally attractive coaches. So what’s our sales pitch here? “We’ll pay you lots of money and you’ll have tremendous prestige and visibility, but only for two years because we ignore the roster-raping that’s been going on for a long time and you’re fucked before you even start- so, how about it?”

Really, you think that sales pitch will fly with Brian Kelly or Les Miles or…anyone else? Get a grip. Giving a coach a quick hook and messing up the roster guarantees that smart coaches will stay the fuck away from that program. See: Notre Dame, Urban Meyer, lolWeis. Fire Rodriguez Now = We’re Not Getting Anyone Good or Smart.

5. Progress Has Been Made
5(+?)>3. Therefore, progress.

2009 Michigan Offense > 2008 Michigan Offense. Therefore, progress.

2009 Michigan Defense = 2008 Michigan Defense. We seem to forget how sucky last year’s defense was, and that was with Brandon Harrison, Morgan Trent, John Thompson, Terrance Taylor, and Will Johnson, contributors all. Yes, this defense is horrible, but unfortunately Horrible =/= Regression.

More wins, better offense, and the same shitty defense…how is that not progress? No, I’m not giving you links to prove any of this, because A) I’m lazy, and B) if you had any interest in facts you probably wouldn’t be calling for RichRod’s head to begin with.

6. This Still is and Always was a Rebuilding Job
Perhaps this is the reality you want to face the least- this team was in shitty shape before RichRod arrived. I know, it sucks to say that out loud, but there it is- Lloyd got tired and sloppy at the end, and the program is a little fucked up as a result. I love him, but bless his heart he didn’t seem to put the required energy into the program after about 2003. He wanted to retire earlier because of this, but Bo convinced him to stick it out for a few more years (again I’m sure there’s a link for this but I’m not going to go get it because I’m lazy). We are paying the price for that fatigue now.

When RichRod arrived in January 2008, there was little offensive line talent, no offensive line depth, no safety talent, no safety depth, little linebacker talent, no linebacker depth, no quarterback talent, no quarterback depth, and little receiver talent. The only position groups ready to go were running back and defensive line, which are arguably being maximized by RichRod right now.

With that roster reality facing RichRod, he deserves time to build the squad back up. Playstation tells me that 2 years is not enough time to rebuild a college roster, so it must be even worse in the real world.

7. If You Choose to Ignore 1-6, then Please Stop Rooting for Michigan

If you’re the type of person that likes to ignore reality just because reality isn’t giving you what you think you’re entitled to, then fuck you and go away from “my” team. You’re obviously not having any fun watching this disaster rise from the ashes, and the rest of us aren’t having any fun trying to get you to stop your whiny bitching. I’m tired of you, you’re tired of me and the program, so let’s just go our separate ways. Seriously, fuck off.

Want to “send a message” to the athletic department that RichRod is UNACCEPTABLE? Stop going to the games, stop watching them on tv, and stop buying M apparel. Trust me, nothing gets the attention of an athletic department like declining ticket, TV, and apparel revenues so if all this is UNACCEPTABLE then do your part, man- go the fuck away and don’t come back until Rich Rodriguez is fired. And if he never gets fired because he actually is a good coach and gets this program back on its feet, well, you made your choice didn’t you?

Just jump already. Stop talking about it and just go away.

…

These are the realities you face, asshats: it’s stupid to fire Rodriguez now, you’re a dick for wanting to do something stupid, it’s not up to you anyway, we’re not getting Brian Kelly or Les Miles right now, progress has been made, rebuilding takes time, and just go the fuck away already. The penis of reality is slapping you in the face right now, and it’s time for you to suck on it.

Sincerely,

The WLA