Charles Jonathan “Jabba” Weis is most certainly getting firebombed out of South Bend this week, that much we can be sure of.  It would be kind of tough to keep him as the coach at this point, especially after the guy basically admitted that his firing would be deserved, so it’s only a matter of time.

Since Weis will be unemployed soon, we here at the WLA have complied a list of opportunities that we feel would properly utilize his particular skill set.  Hopefully Weis will consider this list some good will on our part as Michigan fans as we only hope the best for him.

• Weis & Gittleson Pizzeria -  Michigan fans are well aware of former Strength and Conditioning Coach Mike Gittleson’s fondness of pizza as an essential part of the training table.  With Gittleson’s know how and Weis’ appetite and multi-million dollar Notre Dame buyout, this is sure to be a successful venture.

• Develop a New Pro Franchise with ex-Domers – Weis’ recruiting classes at Notre Dame have always been highly regarded, yet they’ve only had 15 players drafted the last 4 years.  What has become of that talent?  Well, Weis can have a second shot at getting these guys to the promised land of NFL glory by using that buy out money to start a new franchise in the cozy confines of the NFL.  Just off the top of my head I can think of that boxer guy, Jeff Smarjajrjajzjzzjzjzjzzjzjz, Brady Quinn (what?  he starts?  in the NFL??) and Darius Walker.  I’m sure there are more, this is just a starting point.  You figure it out Charlie.

• Motivational Speaking: Using Arrogance to Drive You To the Top – Weis’ arrogance is well known.  Only an arrogant prick would come up with something like “decided schematic advantage” with a straight face.  Weis can use his “schematic arrogance advantage” to teach young professionals how being a know it all coincided prick can boost you to the top of your profession.

• Titanic Excavation – This sounds crazy, but the Titanic is a monument buried 2 miles under the ocean.  Much of it is unexplored due to it’s location.  If only they could get it on land!  Well, using Charlie’s terrific buoyancy that will no longer be a problem!

• Develop a New Boy Band With Lou Pearlman – Lou Pearlman, the gelatinous boy band producing blob, is down on his luck.  He’s been sued over and over again by the boy bands he brought fame and fortune to, and is currently in prison for money laundering.  This is a match made in heaven as these two disgusting pigs could use Charlie’s Notre Dame millions and Pearlman’s experience to start up the Quarterback Boy Band starring Tom Brady, Jimmah Clausen and Brady Quinn.

• Failed Coaches Consulting Firm – Notre Dame tends to grind up their coaches and spew them out of it’s rotten asshole.  What else can explain the utter fail that has emerged from that burned out carcass of a city they call South Bend.  Gerry Faust, Lou Holth (post-ND), Bob Davie, Tyrone Willingham and now Charlie Weis have been complete disaster areas.  Charlie should team up with these guys to help consult other failed coaches on what to do with the millions they have received to just go away from their respective teams.  There’s a certain pro team in Michigan that may have some clients for them.