When He Isn’t Attempting to Murder People, Todd Bertuzzi Sometimes Scores Goals

Tonight (12/11) the Detroit Red Wings clawed back from a 2-0 deficit in the third period to win 3-2 in OT over the Anaheim Ducks. The game tying and game winning goals were supplied by Todd Bertuzzi, who is in his second stint with the Red Wings. Todd, who avoided trying to murder anyone throughout the game, scored both times from the low right slot, banking one goal in off of goaltender J.S. Giguere and placing a second one in the upper right corner of the net. These two goals were helped by the fact that Bertuzzi, who in 2004 attempted to murder Steve Moore on the ice, hadn’t tried to kill anyone, not a single person, during the game.

Bertuzzi did pick up a hooking penalty in the first period, however it was his ability to not try and commit murder while playing a game that sparked his play late in the game. Interviewed after the game Bertuzzi said, “It was clearly my ability to contain my bloodlust tonight that allowed me to score both of those goals. After the hooking penalty I thought I might jump into the Ducks bench and try and cut people with my skates, but I realized that the team might need me, so I kept the hellbeast within me contained.” Bertuzzi, who danced like a pre-pubescent boy after scoring the game winner, has attributed his ability to contain himself to two things, “(Red Wings coach) Mike Babcock has really taken the time to talk to me before every game. He knows that I have already tasted blood, and that once you get that taste it never really goes away, so he has been a steadying influence on my life. That and I already crippled Steve Moore, so I don’t have to worry about seeing him on the ice again.”

The Red Wings, who have struggled with injuries all season, clearly need him on the ice with a calm head if they are to succeed this year.