Recently, Washington Wizards* guards Gilbert Arenas and Javaris Crittenton engaged in an argurment in the team locker room that resulted in guns being drawn and threats being made.  Arenas explained he was just “joking,” but was nevertheless suspended indefinitely by the NBA for his actions.  A further part of his punishment is to endorse safe gun habits in a public forum.  Mr. Arenas has kindly shared some of his gun safety tips and general firearm etiquette with the WLA.

1.)  Always keep your guns away from your children.  A good way to ensure this is to leave them at your place of employ.  Particularly if you work at a post office or airport.  Just make sure you take the guns out of your workplace on “Bring Your Daughter To Work Day” and put them under your child’s mattress for safe keeping.  On that day and that day only.

2.)  Guns can be a hilarious prop in practical jokes or games.  Did your friend just go through a messy break up or divorce?  Wrap a gun in a box and give it to them as “cheer up” present.  Cop pull you over for speeding?  Pull the gun out of your glove box and start waving it wildly.  Looking for a fun game at your kid’s birthday party?  Pin the ((hopefully) unloaded) gun on the donkey.  Nothing’s funnier than a gun!

3.)  Did you know you can train a dog to handle a gun?  You can!  This can be a rewarding experience for both man and man’s best friend.

4.)  If your dog ever accidentally shoots itself or someone else, DO NOT send the tape to America’s Funniest Home Videos.

5.)  Take corporate team building exercises like the “Trust Fall” to the next level.  The “Trust Challenge Your Co-Worker To Shoot You In The Face To Settle A Gambling Debt” is a great way for group members to bond.

6.)  In this age of surround sound and BluRay players and HDTVs, it can be hard to remember what remote controls what device.  A handgun is the original universal remote!  Just ask Elvis.

7.)  When settling gambling debts, the proper ratio of guns to money owed is one to $15,000.

8.)  If you must keep your guns at home, keep them in a gun locker.  Then, keep a gun under your bed with a trigger lock in case someone tries to steal those guns in the middle of the night.  Then, keep a gun with the safety on, but no trigger lock, in your nightstand in case someone tries to steal the dresser gun.  Then, keep a loaded gun with no safety on under your pillow in case someone tries to steal the nightstand gun.  Then, keep a loaded gun with no safety on taped to your hand while you sleep, in case someone tries to steal the pillow gun.

The WLA thanks Mr. Arenas and hopes the tips above are helpful to its readership.