In the last three years, Michigan football is 17-20. Within the fan base, a vast chasm grows between those who support Comrade Richard Rodriguez, and those that call for his head. Michigan basketball hovers at .500, two years removed from their worst season in modern history, and a huge disappointment from last year. The hockey team sits on the precipice of it’s first season out of the NCAA tournament in more than a decade. The AD has been thrown into a period of transition with a new Director. The Detroit economy is in shambles,  the Tigers are divesting themselves of their most popular players, the Pistons race to to the bottom of the NBA, the Red Wings currently sit out of the playoffs, and the Lions continue to set the standard for sporting ineptitude. Detroit’s Mayor resigned in a flurry of corruption, and city-council-people try their hardest to strangle the struggling city.

In times likes this, Comrades, we must talk about what’s important: the music played during commercial breaks at Michigan Stadium. There may not be a more divisive, angry, and impassioned debate anywhere else amongst the elements of the Michigan fan base. Our friends and Maize & Brew re-opened the dialoguewith a few play-list suggestions for the Michigan Stadium DJ, based largely on their “MONSTER HITS OF THE ’80′s!!!” CD anthology. Brian of MGoBlog, who seemingly would have been terrified at the seductive motion of Elvis’ hips back in the ’50′s, wants to keep things the way they were back in the good ‘ole days, and FOR HEAVENS SAKE THINK OF PRESERVING OUR TRADITION FOR THE CHILDREN. Maize & Brew responded, upping the rhetorical ante up one more notch.

So, friends in the Proletariat, you’re doubtlessly wondering which side we, the leading Leftist Voice in the Michigan Blogosphere stand on this issue? Comrades, given the choice between Eisenhower-era  stodginess and Toby Keith-ian Capitalistic Patriotism, the choice is clear: on neither side.

What do we advocate? MOTHER-FUCKING CANNONS. Our glorious players, Comrades, deserve as grand, daunting, and inspiring an anthem as Tchaikovsky penned for Mother Russia’s gallant troops as they warded of Napoleon’s invading forces. “But WLA,” you may say, “the 1812 overture was written in praise of Tsarist-Russia’s victory! It has nothing  to do with Communism!”. Shutup and go back to your books, nerds.

Only CANNONS can will serve the twin purpose of intimidating the opponent and inspiring the crowd and players. Thousands who now do things like get snacks, go to the bathroom, or talk to friends during stoppages of play will now stare, transfixed, at the field, lest an errant piece of shrapnel caused by a cataclysmic malfunction tear through the backs of their skulls.

AC/DC, Motown, The Victors, or Dance Party in the USA – we care not, Comrades, as long as the Band brings the BOOM with out-of-date, antiquated, dangerous artillery.