December 9th. 11 minutes. 0 points. 2 shots. 1 rebound. 1 assist.

December 19th. 20 minutes. 0 points. 1 shot. 1 rebound. 1 assist.

January 3rd. 21 minutes. 0 points. 1 shot. 1 rebound. 2 assists.

January 10th. 22 minutes. 0 points. 2 shots. 1 rebound. 1 assist.

January 26th. 26 minutes. 0 points. 3 shots. 2 rebounds. 2 assists.

Laval Lucas-Perry has played over half the minutes of the season thus far. “That’s not true,” you were going to say. “I watched the Michigan State game, they had Harris, Sims, Douglass, and Novak on the floor at the end of the game,” you were going to retort. Ah. That’s only four players.

Laval Lucas-Perry’s game is subtle. So subtle you wouldn’t notice his mark upon the game. Lucas-Perry resists hullabaloo. Attention. Anything of note. Yet, like Jewish Guilt, he is always there. I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t believe me, but it’s true. That fifth guy that runs up and down the court? That’s him. That’s where you’ll always find him. Running. From offense to defense. He doesn’t feel the need to “shoot” or “do things” at his destination. His presence is enough. He thought Our American Cousin was mediocre, at best.

Lucas-Perry has always been there. Lucas-Perry will always be there. Not calling attention to himself. Not being a burden to your senses. Artist renderings show that he was there when the United States threw of the yolk of their oppresors:

Look at him. Not making a fuss. Not rocking the boat. Solid. Calm. Present. He was on your intramural soccer team in seventh grade.

You’ve seen him places, but you eye just passes over him, unseeing. But he’s there. He was in the greatest love scene in Hollywood history, yet you, and and the immortal Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore remained oblivious, unseeing, as blind to him as Demi would become to Patrick. Well, let us be your Whoopi Goldberg.

Swayze and Moore, so in love, can be forgiven for not noticing his presence. But you? He’s always slipped from your attention. He probably dated your girlfriend a few years ago, but she forgot.

Comrades, there are few constants in life. Michigan athletics experience peaks and valleys. Movies, historical events, baketball games come and go. Some leave lasting, indelible impressions, others remain whisps of memory at the edge of our grasp. But Laval Lucas-Perry has always, and will always be there. Ceding others the floor. Non-plussed. Selfless. I don’t know about you, but that comforts me when the lights go out at night, ad I’m left with nothing but my thoughts. Keep your eyes open, comrades – you don’t know where he’ll pop up next. I know we will.