After Awhile Your Cheap Talk Don't Even Cause Me Pain, So Let Your Bullets Fly Like Rain

Buckeye Battle Cry is the worst blog in the college football blogosphere. It’s bad to the extent that I’m afraid to tell my wife that I blog for fear that she associate me with the munged detritus of the college blogosphere. It’s so bad that I can’t tell my friends I blog, lest they think that I would write mastubatory jokes accompanied by cheesecake photos of girls of undetermined age. It’s so incredibly fucking bad that I, a relatively rational football fan who truly does not “hate” Ohio State, but merely wants to win an annual football game against them, am actually questioning whether Ohio State fans actually ARE white trash, illiterate hicks. I mean, I know all of them aren’t, but things get sort of hazy when looking at that blog.

Every November, Michigan and Ohio State play a football game. It’s a pretty big deal. I mean, as far as football games go, it’s a pretty big deal. Most people do a pretty good job of keeping things in perspective. If you were to poll the contributors here at the WLA, we’d acknowledge that OSU is a pretty decent school, that Tressel is a good coach that runs a pretty clean program (at least, since his flirtation with Maurice Clarrett), and that Ohio is just another state with probably the same ratio of good people to insufferable knobs as any other place in the country. We’re willing to have OSU grads or fans as friends, roommates, spouses, family members, whatever. We’ll probably talk some shit to them around that aforementioned big game, but fuck, man, it’s just football and we got a life to live.

Ohio State, like Michigan, has a number of blogs devoted to their athletics, of an assortment of quality. 11 Warriors is probably the bell-weather blog, and Buckeye Planet is probably the web’s best source on recruiting in Ohio, regardless of where a certain player commits. Some time ago, Friend of Blog Sam had a literate and funny blog on SBN, We Will Always (S)Have Tempe. It was good a good blog.

Alas, it has been replaced by the lowest conceivable common denominator: The Buckeye Battle Cry.

This is a blog that, in one short sentence, made a “retard joke” (fine, autism. Point stands) AND these “adults” managed to make fun of an eighteen-year-old kid’s physical appearance. Fine. Here’s Jeff at the BBC, the author of such witicisms:

If we were so inclined, it wouldn’t be hard to find some jokes here. Hair, mustache, a trip to Skyline Chili away from Type II Diabetes. Now, we’re above such things at the WLA. Our comment thread below certainly isn’t, and is completely out of our control, dear readers. Any barbs there would be “unfortunate”. All we can say is at least Matt Vogrich is plainly still in his awkward/gawky stage. Jeff passed that a good twenty years ago. I would say that I hope he hasn’t bred to further contaminate the gene pool, but the next complaint makes it painfully clear that he hasn’t had the opportunity.

Specifically, they posted a string of scantily-clad girls that, at least to the untrained eye, seemed to be jail-bait. Hey, at least it explains Jeff’s ‘stache, right? Moreover, they accompanied these pictures with the following.

No words will be necessary after the jump—Just a drool rag, possibly a large box of Kleenex, and probably some Jergens to prevent chafing…

SBN is paying these assholes to explicitly detail their masturbation habits to us? You know when you wach those horrible, shitty CBS sitcoms like “2 and a Half Men” , and every joke is about how stupid, shallow, and simple men are, and you say “Fuck, I don’t know anyone like that!”? Now you do – they’re the putrid anal droppings writing at BBC.

Moving on, this is a blog that exists only to rattle the cage of opposing fans, their tagline is “we’re also good at pissing off Michigan fans”. They write unresearched, uninformed, context-free hit-jobs on high school kids. They treat a kid without a conviction as if he is a convicted felon (despite, you know, NOT being a convicted a felon), act as if it’s an institutional problem at Michigan while ignorning that just last year, their beloved OSU allowed in Jaamal Berry, a convicted felon. We’re not arguing that Berry shouldn’t have been allowed in, or that Dorsey should. But, glass houses motherfuckers.

Furthermore, they are horrible, gaping, festering, pussies. Why do I say this? Last night, I brought up Jaamal Berry in their comment thread, asking when they were going todecry his presence at OSU with as much vigor as they complained about Dorsey’s at Michigan. They deleted it. Accused me of trolling. True, I did suggest that they mocked the english language with evey keystroke, but my point still had substance, goddamn it.

They refer to us as “a little Michigan blog” despite we got more hits than they did yesterday (QED!), and mock Brian of MGoBlog for “ignoring” them, when Brian is way too dignified to cast their hulking piece of shit a sideways glance. Clearly, we suffer no such qualms.

Buckeye Battle Cry: If Lisa Horne were a female, she would be just. like. you.

24 responses on “After Awhile Your Cheap Talk Don't Even Cause Me Pain, So Let Your Bullets Fly Like Rain

  1. Max

    chitown, didn’t you read the BBC Terms of Agreement?

    The Buckeye Neckbeard Battle Cry is designed hastily googled together to bring you quality sportsjuvenile, shitty, ad hominem attack content and a forum to discuss that lame comment section designed to ban content. We encourage you to share your perspective, so you can reactignore to our authors monkeys pounding on keyboards and their opinions poo flinging.

    BuckeyeCooler shitter fans are always welcome, and we’re just as excited to welcome IP ban opposing fans. However, we will not tolerate blatant trolling reasonable comments about felons on our team. Opposing viewpoints are encouraged ignored, just don’t be a jerk on our site expect your comments to be published.

    You know what a troll is. Don’t be one, or you’ll be gone not that it matters even your legitimate comments will be ignored.

  2. Max

    chitown, didn’t you read the BBC Terms of Agreement?

    The Buckeye Neckbeard Battle Cry is designed hastily googled together to bring you quality sportsjuvenile, shitty, ad hominem attack content and a forum to discuss that lame comment section designed to ban content. We encourage you to share your perspective, so you can reactignore to our authors monkeys pounding on keyboards and their opinions poo flinging.

    BuckeyeCooler shitter fans are always welcome, and we’re just as excited to welcome IP ban opposing fans. However, we will not tolerate blatant trolling reasonable comments about felons on our team. Opposing viewpoints are encouraged ignored, just don’t be a jerk on our site expect your comments to be published.

    You know what a troll is. Don’t be one, or you’ll be gone not that it matters even your legitimate comments will be ignored.

  3. Anonymosity

    Nathaniel- homo? No way. Didn’t you see those hot chicks he posted pics of? I bet he had sex with at least three of them… AT THE SAME TIME!!

    Maybe our problem is that we can’t relate to a person whose entire existence is almost certainly based on his favorite football team? That would, admittedly, be a very depressing life as a Michigan fan, but maybe it’s not so bad for fans of a program with considerably more recent success?

    Or, maybe some Buckeye fans have never travelled out of Ohio (aside from Buckeye road games, of course) and know nothing other than Buckeye football, hating Michigan, and sweet leather OSU jackets? This may be all they know in life, and we just have to understand and empathize.

  4. Anonymosity

    Nathaniel- homo? No way. Didn’t you see those hot chicks he posted pics of? I bet he had sex with at least three of them… AT THE SAME TIME!!

    Maybe our problem is that we can’t relate to a person whose entire existence is almost certainly based on his favorite football team? That would, admittedly, be a very depressing life as a Michigan fan, but maybe it’s not so bad for fans of a program with considerably more recent success?

    Or, maybe some Buckeye fans have never travelled out of Ohio (aside from Buckeye road games, of course) and know nothing other than Buckeye football, hating Michigan, and sweet leather OSU jackets? This may be all they know in life, and we just have to understand and empathize.

  5. Jeff @ BBC

    haha! bet you’ll delete that!

    guess what brahs? i had sex last night….with a girl! in her vagina! michigan fans never had the secks with womans vaginas, cuz their ghey! haha…you guys are gay homos!

    go bucks!

  6. Jeff @ BBC

    haha! bet you’ll delete that!

    guess what brahs? i had sex last night….with a girl! in her vagina! michigan fans never had the secks with womans vaginas, cuz their ghey! haha…you guys are gay homos!

    go bucks!

  7. Jeff @ BBC

    Everything before this was a jack…not! lol sike u idiots

    guess what im doing for the super bowl…high fiving a chick. on her BOOBS. that’s right i’m high fiving the shit out of her big boobs. she’s 14 and her boobs are so huge like you don’t even know.

    michigan suxx! i’ll bet you guys can’t even masturbate nine times in one day! loserz

  8. Jeff @ BBC

    Everything before this was a jack…not! lol sike u idiots

    guess what im doing for the super bowl…high fiving a chick. on her BOOBS. that’s right i’m high fiving the shit out of her big boobs. she’s 14 and her boobs are so huge like you don’t even know.

    michigan suxx! i’ll bet you guys can’t even masturbate nine times in one day! loserz