When Rich Rodriguez left West Virginia University in December of 2007 chaos ensued.  Rodriguez spurned his alma-mater for greener pastures and left behind a jilted school and community that obviously was and is too sensitive to handle the departure.

We are now over 2 years past that sloppy divorce, and since then things haven’t gotten any better for Rodriguez.  He’s gone 8-16 over 2 seasons and is now facing an NCAA investigation to boot.  The media in Detroit has been merciless in their dedication to pound whatever is left of Rodriguez’s will and desire to build his program, and there are questions abound about whether or not figures within the Athletic Department at Michigan even support him fully.

Needless to say he’s got to wonder where his friends are and just what, if anything, he did to turn so many against him.

Meanwhile, West Virginia hired Rodriguez assistant Corch Stew as the head man and have largely fared well on the field without the man who was responsible for a near-decade long domination of the Big East and a pair of rousing BCS Bowl Game victories.  You’d think that at this point the fans and media figures around West Virginia would be over the controversial end to the Rodriguez era.

Apparently not.

Leave it up to Ass Face Bob Hertzel (yes, he capitalizes “Ass Face”) to put forth a Bleacher Report worthy ripping of Rodriguez for old times sake.

Ass Face goes for a golden oldie right off the bat:

So where were we when we last met?

Oh, yeah, I remember now.

Rich Rodriguez was shredding papers before he went out the back door of the Puskar Center and took his circus to Michigan with him.

This old thing?  Are you serious?  Not to keep beating a dead horse (as you seem to enjoy), but what kind of computer system do they have at WVU?  You don’t honestly think that important information was kept only in Rodriguez’s office and only on paper do you?  Every organization, regardless of size, HAS COMPUTERS.  This is not a new development.  My company has just 5 employees, and everything we do is digital.  If anything, Ass Face, you insult your beloved University by insinuating that they were stupid enough not to use computers to back up this supposed important data.

Now, let’s just imagine this fantasy land of yours where Rodriguez is busy shredding the Magna Carta in his office and laughing sinisterly as onlookers faint in horror.  Do you really think, in this twisted world of yours where Rodriguez is some crazy conniving and sinister evil-doer, that he would be stupid enough to keep a record of this dubious information?  If he’s such a shyster as to have to rush back to Morgantown to destroy his evil deeds, WHY THE HELL WOULD HE KEEP A RECORD OF SUCH THINGS!  WHEN YOU GO ON YOUR WEEKLY HORSE BUGGERING EXPEDITIONS, ASS FACE, DO YOU KEEP A RECORD OF IT?  OF COURSE NOT YOU TWAT!

You can probably guess the old standard that Ass Face reaches for next, can’t you?  Here it is:

That’s right, the man who brought us Pacman Jones and Chris Henry, bless his soul, has done it again and the more he talks — even without that silly southern accent he was using in these parts — the more he gets himself in deeper.

We’re all aware of the transgressions of Pacman and Chris Henry during their NFL careers.  They had problems, no doubt about it.  But looking closer you’ll see that these two never had trouble at West Virginia.  Why, after they have left the school, are their actions the responsibility of Rich Rodriguez?  What in the hell does Rodriguez have to do with their mistakes when he has probably next to zero interaction with them as pros?  How do you come to such twisted logic?

Ever heard of Pat Lazear?  Oh, right, he’s currently one of your starting linebackers, who is described rather glowingly by The Daily Athenaeum:

The Mountaineers will likely sign four linebackers Wednesday, three of which Stewart is hoping will serve as quality replacements for this year’s standout senior linebackers that includes J.T. Thomas, Pat Lazear and Anthony Leonard.

A STANDOUT senior linebacker!  Wow, that’s great news.  Good to hear you have such a solid cast of players to back your line on defense.  Something else you might not know about Lazear: his recruitment by Rodriguez was a little controversial (*cough* Demar Dorsey *cough*) because of his checkered past.  What a great judgment of character Rodriguez was to give that kid a shot to get a college degree while helping your team perform on the field.

I’ve searched far and wide on the Google Machine and on the West Virginia papers for the inevitable article about the arrest of Lazear, but dammit I can’t find one.   What are the odds that if Lazear were to get in some hot water after his graduation that you will use that to kick Rodriguez in the nads one more time?

Michigan has a short list of legendary football coaches.  Yost, Crisler, and you can even add Lloyd Carr to that list now, I believe.  Another is Bo Schembechler.  He was respected not just in Ann Arbor, but everywhere in the country as a great molder and leader of men.  There isn’t a Michigan fan that doesn’t think fondly of Bo.

One of Bo’s great players was running back Billy Taylor.  Well, Taylor got into quite a bit of trouble after his days in Ann Arbor.  2 and a half years worth of trouble.  I have never, ever, ever in my life heard anyone blame Bo for the legal problems that Taylor had.  To do so would be asinine, wouldn’t it?  After all, Taylor is an adult, and adults make their own decisions with their own consequences, much like I’m doing now, as a consequences for your stupid actions, Ass Face.  Taylor paid his dues and I’m happy to learn is back on his feet and living the life that Bo would have wanted him to.

Why then, do you throw the blame for the mistakes made by Jones and Henry at the feet of Rodriguez?  Do you have no brain sir?  I mean, what is going on in your tiny little amoeba-sized gray matter that brings you to that conclusion?

Now for the grand finale.  I’m just amazed that someone who claims to be a professional sports journalist can type this up and send it to the editor.  This is truly head asplode writing at it’s best:

Say RichRod beats Ohio State …

I’ll give you a second to stop laughing.

Done?

Okay, say RichRod beats Ohio State and does it by getting away with knowingly having a 12th man on the field who catches the game-winning pass as the final gun goes off.

WHAT?  How in the name of Vishnu do you believe that that would ever, ever, ever happen?  What coach, on any level, be it a high school team, a junior college team, MUCH LESS a college team, would ever do something so ridiculous?  Why would he KNOWINGLY put 12 men on the field?  Not to mention, ON THE LAST PLAY?  ARE YOU INSANE?  I will guarantee you this, Ass Face, no coach, in the history of football, has EVER put 12 men on the field on purpose.  To do so would be the dumbest decision that coach could make.  Not only do you have to assume that Rodriguez is sinister enough to try and rape the referees butts right in front of them, BUT TO ALSO RISK LOSING THE GAME IN SUCH A RIDICULOUS WAY!  YOU KNOW THIS MAN BROUGHT WEST VIRGINIA FOOTBALL SUCCESS IT’S NEVER SEEN DON’T YOU?  HOW THE HELL COULD YOU EVER THINK HE WOULD BE SO STUPID?  I HATE YOU SO MUCH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Ok, sorry about that.  I’m through with you.  Bob Hertzel is clearly not a smart man, but somehow, some way, he is an even worse sports writer.