Wolverine Liberation Army

SNAKE OILZ

The worst Snake Oilz Spill in US History continues to spew into the Gulf of Mexico at 60,000 barrels a day as it further threatens Michigan’s recruiting efforts in the Southern States – most notably Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Texas and Florida.

The spill, which started as a botched effort by Corch Dick Fraud to create a pipeline to the South, has raged on for over 70 days now and will likely cost Michigan any shot at the valuable blue-chip recruits from the southern states, which are widely regarded as faster and more adequate for Dick Fraud’s “spread offense” than their Northern counterparts which tend to be slow and plodding, often boring fans to tears.

Below you can watch video of the Snake Oilz as it rages into the pristine waters of the Gulf:

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Popularity: 29%

At 5:30, I have the distinct pleasure of smoking an American Spirit and walking to my apartment instead of cramming into the Taurus for a rage filled drive down the bayshore littered with tourists and their gaping jaws. On a day like today, I like to detour a mile or two and do my best impersonation of a child molesting hobo; strolling alone in sunglasses, scruff beard and flip flops through the parks on the beachfront. When I saw a group of virile teenagers playing soccer, I started reflecting on the odd spectacle of the World Cup.

I’m not what you would call a soccer brand evangelist. In fact, I’ve lobbed my share of terrible “lol wusses” jokes through the years. But I’ve mellowed. It’s a sport, like any other sport, where teams compete, cheat and deal with incompetent refs and overbearing fans. Over the past weeks, I’ve taken a liking to the game.

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Popularity: 28%

Popularity: 36%

Readers of this blog may have noticed, in the past few months, growing disgust with the operations of college football in general, the media coverage of sports, and of the public consumption of that somewhat seamy coverage. Leave it to the bloody-minded world to crystallize all these concerns into one fine, gleaming point.

We’re talking, of course, about Demar Dorsey – the erstwhile juvenile delinquent-turned supposedly reformed football star that Michigan inked in a last minute change of heart on signing day. Namely – Michigan has decided not to accept his admission. Before we continue, please don’t confuse this with an argument that Michigan should be in the business of accepting marginal academic qualifiers who had admitted taking part in breaking & entering and armed robbery (though Dorsey’s record is clean, he has verbally admitted his participation in media interviews).

The simple fact is this: on Signing Day, Michigan presumably knew what the state of Dorsey’s academic qualifications were. They knew about his spotted criminal past. Neither of these items deterred the school from offering him a scholarship and accepting his binding Letter of Intent. In other words – it allowed Dorsey to make a commitment to them – one he couldn’t revoke until THEY allowed him to.

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Popularity: 33%

In an unprecedented, but not wholly surprising move, the United States have agreed to trade the state of New Hampshire for England winger Aaron Lennon. The diminutive but sprightly winger was said to be in favor of the deal saying, “I’m glad to instantly be the best player that has ever played for the United States. That, and Claudio Reyna is a mangirl.” Here’s a video that answers any questions as to what Aaron Lennon can do, but sadly begs to ask the question, “Why are the Black Eyed Peas allowed near microphones?”

The deal coincides with the United States government, echoing college football expansion fever, deciding to admit Puerto Rico, Guam, Guantanamo and the Czech Republic into the union. All old American flags are to be sent to the Middle East where they can be burned by freedom hating Ohio State fans:

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Popularity: 26%