Dear comrades,
Welcome to the newly re-purposed WLA – the Wildcatz Liberation Army, where we shall continue to advocate for the liberation of the mind of the average college football fan and for a re-examination of why and how you follow college football.
Why Northwestern? It’s so much easier over here.
The entire WLA was able to buy season tickets in about 6 minutes! Waiting lists? We just had to wait for the ticket agent to scrape their jaw off the floor after we asked for 12 seats. PSLs? They just hoped it wasn’t a prank. Minimum donations? How much change is your pocket?
Gameday is a breeze – bring as much water as you want! Park and tailgate where you want. The down in front crowd? Can you see over a bench? Good – you’re golden.
That’s not all that’s easier. Do you currently live in fear of a soul-crushing, embarrassing, out of conference loss? To Toledo? Appalachian State? Or even just an early-season loss that, while not embarrassing, dashes your hopes of a National Championship (say, Oregon, 2003)? Don’t worry – there’s no expectation, and you probably assume it’s going to happen anyway! In the last four years they’ve lost to Syracuse, Duke, and New Hampshire, and made as many bowl as Michigan. Over at Lake the Posts, he’s breaking down how the team will cap a successful 8-4 season, and expectingthem to lose to either Duke, Illinois State, Rice, or a LeFevour-less Central Michigan! Isn’t that fucking serene?
Are you afraid that your team’s coach is in danger! Ha! Northwestern scoffs at you! Pat Fitzgerald is almost the most unfireable coach in the Big Ten – an All-American alumni that helped resurrect football at the school not once (during the Gary Barnett resurgence, as a player) but twice (stepping into the void as an inexperienced coach after Coach Walker’s untimely death). He’s led them to two straight bowl games, seems poised for a third, and is probably the most liked coach in the Big 10 by opposing fanbases.
Is your team behind the eight-ball because a highly touted prospect didn’t get passed the clearinghouse, tried to broker an inter-state drug deal, didn’t pass the state accreditation exam, was shot on numerous occasions, or got busted for breaking and entering? Are you tired of trying to parse the difference a teenager being “guilty” of a crime and merely “not charged”? Worried about your APR? Tired of parsing through Notices of NCAA Allegations and investigative pieces written by a hostile press? Northwestern fans have no fucking idea what you’re talking about.
Do you have qualms about following recruiting, or do you spend a ton of time worrying about negative recruiting, what other schools may underhandedly be doing to snake recruits from your school, or what’s going to happen if you can’t land that prized recruit? Andrew Brewer and Zeke Markhausen were the Big 10′s most prolific receiving tandem, and got put on the team by sinking a half-court shot at a basketball game.
Do you fear your rivalry game every year? Northwestern ownsIowa – knocking off the Hawkeyes in four of their last five meetings.
Make the change, comrades. Come to the land, of modest expectations met, and fandom free of the array of bullshit attached to college football. Cheer for a team coached by the Raddest Dude in the Big 10, a team that just lets you concentrate on the football because everything else is so unremarkable.Imagine! Football fandom reduced to football!
Make the change, comrades. The water is great.
Go U, NU
We pwn Iowa. Fuck those shit sammy eaters
FITZ
derp
But what will we do with all the time we spend worrying and posting hysterical blog comments?
This is the single greatest thing I have ever seen on an Internetz.
It’s about time we came around to the purple and…..purple.
Actually, it’s Vanderbilt, not Duke, on the out of conference schedule this year, and I expect NU to win!
Amusing site. I don’t really understand the context and what you are trying to prove.
Are you going to continue this parody until that day well into the future that Michigan once again defeats Northwestern?
Michigan is like Notre Dame. Has Beens. We own your bitch asses, just like we own Ioa (no W because it belongs to us). Welcome to the new order bitches.
FITZ FITZ FITZ
I think you must be a Walmart Wildcat, Real Wildcat Fan, if you can’t understand the allure of drama-free football fandom. Northwestern grads are supposed to be smart!
This is hillarious. The best part is that while I’m aware that you’re making fun of us, I really take most of it as a compliment.
GO CATS! (Go Blue twice a year, too)
You tell it, RealWildcatFan! Wildcatz pwn Wolfernines with that one game win streak!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOPATFITZWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
As a die-hard ‘Cats fan who grew up an equally die-hard Michigan fan (in the shadow of Ann Arbor during the Bo era), this is pure comic gold… and surprisingly very accurate. Please, keep the stories coming.
This is the reality and why you should be Cat fans instead of Michigan fans.
http://www.offtackleempire.com/2010/8/23/1637923/predictions-vs-reality-how
Why are you trolling a post that was genuinely complimentary of Northwestern Football, man? We LIKE NW. We legitimately love Fitz. Have a smile.
That’s the problem — he wants you to HATE and FEAR the Wildcatz.
As a Cats fan, this just made my day at work. Keep up the fantastic work and we welcome you with open arms – Good seats still available. We can share our love of all things purple and Tim Biakabutuka.
To the jackass Cats fan who doesn’t get it: This is why people hate Duke and Notre Dame. The only difference between you and them is that we don’t win enough to produce the critical mass of loser fans that would tip public opinion squarely against us. Just stop it before we get consistently good and people start actually paying attention. Please. I beg you.
maybe RealWildcatFan is a Kentucky Wildcat that got lost?
lescats – are you daft? They are not laughing with us. They are laughing at us. Don’t get on your knees and service these fools. They are our bitches. Not the other way around. Just like Ioa.
I’m definitely laughing AT you, RealWildcatFan
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but not for the reasons you think.