FYI: Post written using language for those who didn’t get accepted into Northwestern University.

WILDCATZ are known for being smart.  Not only can we solve the rubix cube quicker than your best 40 time, we can also win footbaw games (on paper/field (50/50)).   This data collected regarding our Wildcatz shows the intellectual data to gauge the Footbaw teams successes and defeats using multiple equations and statistical data taken from previous games and academic accomplishments in time.  Not only is this data 100% accurate and FACT, it will also blow your mind in ways you could only imagine from a doctoral course at prestigious Northwestern University.

Below you will see the Win Scan equation.  This calculates Footbaw wins based on the proportion of talent, each players class schedule, Extracurricular activities such as glee club, chess club, math club, class government, Dungeons & Dragon scores, War Craft Character levels,   etc..,  SAT score as well as GPA (which is typically a given, 4.0 or better!).  Result: 7.5679 Wins.

Clearly moar chemistry sets needed in the locker room

The next graph shows the defensive quarterly trajectory & shibba dibba.  “Shibba Dibba” meaning “prowess” in the secretive language only learned and shared between Northwestern Students and Alumni.  Quite explanatory really, I don’t even need to explain it to you unless you’re a 4th grader.  But overall, the CATZ will give up around 22 points per game on defense.

Not bad, if you ask professor. Amirite? LOL.

Last but not least, the historical chart showing the teams ability to score over the 60 minutes of the footbaw match based on their most recent grade for an exam or assignment.  Clearly, when the majority of the team, especially the offense, gets an “A” or better on their most recent exam or assignment, the team is excited and accurate, thus scoring more points per minute in the game.  When the teams goes out after receiving an “A-“ or worse, scoring is rare, averaging just over 8 points in 45 minutes.  Historically, after 45 minutes, they sputter out, only worrying how to keep their GPA over a 4.0 after such an embarrassing display in the classroom.  Footbaw becomes an afterthought.

Clearly our WildCATZ need to focus on their studies in order to succeed on the field.  Better the studies, better the footbaw team.  It’s Science, seriously.