FETAL = The position most of us were in as the final minute of play ticked down during a oh so familiar defensive battle between bitter rivals, MICH and MSU.
MICH made it THREE (3) wins in a row against Sparty on Tuesday night, creating a mass of BUTTHURT in the visitors locker room. Fans of MICH at Crisler arena danced in joy with Wolverine legends, Lloyd Carr, LaMarr Woodley-CHIPS and Denard. Coach John Beilein was also rumored to “shake it like a Polaroid picture” after handshakes with the downtrodden Spartans of East Lansing (This is being looked into by the NCAA and Dominos Pizza).
Thomas Jonathan Izzo addressed the media after the game. His disgust and agony of losing a 3rd game in a row to MICH was heard loud and clear. His teams poor play was caused my multiple factors, none of which were his own. The refs, in Izzo’s opinion, do not know what an “over the back” call is. Izzo knows, he was at mid court when it happened. He quickly ran to another ref, pointing, farting and yelling profanity while displaying angar with their turnover call.
A tired point guard, really fat, big, unconditioned, unhealthy centers who “asked to come out of the game” can sure bring a team down, according to Izzo.
Reporters sensed an extreme case of BUTTHURT from Izzo. A trait he’s perfected with years of practice. Only recently has his disgust and hatred for the maize and blue grown by leaps and bounds. As his squadron keeps losing, he feels more and more psychotic in his lust for rival blood.
Ever wonder why MSU destroyed Iowa last weak? Izzos blurred tunnel vision only saw yellow jerseys. He couldn’t read IOWA on the front, due to his drunken rage. But Tuesday’s performance was nothing like their game against Iowa. Maybe it was the new scoreboard, chairs or lights of Crisler arena. Or maybe it was just ZACK NOVAK, GRIT CHAMP, shutting down the likes of Draymond Green. Only allowing 7 points from the senior captain of MSU.
Green said MICH should go ahead and “enjoy these three”. I say, don’t mind if I DO!!!
But where does this leave Izzo? Will his BUTTHURT recover? We will soon find out on February 5th, when MICH looks to continue their winning streak against MSU, at their house. Things we will need to look out for are possible cheap shots, and the ever present, home cookin’ at the BRAH-slin Center or Arena.
Watch out for this:
Odds are against MICH for the next meeting. Not just because road wins are rare in the B1G, but because this MSU team is extremely talented and Izzo will most likley eat a strong vat of chili for breakfast, to ensure deathly gasses are ready to be fired at his command. This is a warning to both teams as well as the fans, especially those in the line of fire.
IF MICH plays well enough to make it 4 in a row, that will send Zack Novak and Stu Douglass out as Seniors with a winning record against Michigan State (4-3). Something that hasn’t happened in a long time. So long that I don’t care to look into it. But if it does. Be prepared for the following Izzo face, multiplied by a metric ton of BUTTHURT syndrome.