We Are the SEC: Gobble Our Pingas or Else

And this is where I put your medical release form.

Today, in a spittle-flecked and moistened-panty rage, the SEC announced that they were backing a plan to put the “best teams in the nation” into a four team playoff. Why would they do such a thing, you ask. Is it because they are mouth-breathing rednecks who value wins over the value of an education and the welfare and future of their student athletes? No, no way, but that’s an interesting hypothesis random imaginary person who I made up to make fun of the south. No, the real reason the SEC has decided that they are backing a “best teams” proposal is because they know that, along with their teat-suckling cronies in the national media, that the only way they’ll be able to cram as many SEC teams into a potential playoff, thus giving themselves a 50% chance of winning the BCS every year, is by not allowing the champion of say, the PAC 12, to play for the national title. Thus getting more of their DAMN STRONG footbaw teams into the mix. Ask Oklahoma State what they think of this plan? They’ll probably say that it is bubkus.

To put it mildly, I think it is time for the SEC to form it’s own athletic association and let them crown their own national champions. Think of the possibilities, Nick Saban, no scholarship limits that would force you to make the incredibly difficult decision to cut players who just aren’t good enough. Although, I have an inkling that you’d still find a way to break a kid’s heart otherwise. Probably by literally breaking their heart into many pieces with your fists made of metal and Mike Slive’s testicles. If the SEC were its own league the rest of the country could finally do what it has always wanted, stop paying attention to the south. We here in B1G country understand that you have some incredibly gifted football teams, and we applaud you for that, but if you would kindly remove yourself from the equation then we could finally realize our dream of a Northwestern/ Wazzou semifinal played in Pullman. Of course that would still mean that the B1G has to travel, because by the fuzzy chin of Jim Delaney we will have nothing of actually playing home games in the fantasy future land I’m creating, but have you seen Pullman in January? There’s nothing like it. So go away, SEC. We are giving you permission to dabble in a misty future where you rule all the land, as long as that land never crosses the Mason-Dixon line. Godspeed.