[Ed note: Read this first]
- Offensive Prediction: Remember the start of last season, when MICH was down 7-0 to Western MICH? Expect more of the same. MICH will be rusty, everything will be terrible. Playing catch up against a team that is good, is also terrible. After the 1st quarter, MICH will MICH. The typical run up the middle will net 8 total yards, Denard scrambling will yield another 150 rushing yards. Passing will be the only way to win, similar to the Lions offense. Hopefully Devin Gardner will be MICH’s Calvin Johnson on Saturday.
- Offensive Key Player(s): Drew Dileo: because he will be a foot shorter than all the Bama players, he will scurry along on his routes, unnoticed, catching 4 TD passes, 179 yards. NOICE.
- Defensive Prediction: MICH will be highly prepared for this match. Bama is just going to run the ball and bore everyone to tears. MICH will shut down the passing game and avoid the embarrassing big plays from Alabama. No fake field goals up in here.
- Key Defensive Player(s): Jake Ryan. He will get 28 tackles. 2 for loss. Mostly because the Bama RB’s will make it to him. ☹
- Final Score: MICH 34 BAMA 31
- Miscellaneous prediction/thoughts: Denard will hit the massive TV inside the Jerry Dome with one of his “jump balls” and Sparty nation will bring it up for the next 80 years.
- Offensive Prediction: 60 rushing yards and 150 passing yards. Denard throws one interception and two touchdowns.
- Offensive Key Player(s): Denrad
- Defensive Prediction: MICH gives up 340 total yards, and recovers a pair of turnovers.
- Key Defensive Player(s): Kovacs
- Final Score: Alabama 17 MICH 14
- Miscellaneous prediction/thoughts: Denard will almost melt Sabana’s heart with his smile. Sadly, this will not work, as Saban is a robot.
- Offensive Prediction: Sluggish, like a wet sponge.
- Offensive Key Player(s): Denardho and Devinho.
- Defensive Prediction: Rain. And a little ice.
- Key Defensive Player(s): James Ross, Kenny Demens, and Jake Ryan.
- Final Score: 31-27 Alabama
- Miscellaneous prediction/thoughts: Russell Bellomy will play 2 snaps to satisfy a recruiting promise made to him by Borges. Justice Hayes will be the recipient of a Musberger-ism. Lewan will be compared at least 4 times to Jake Long, with the two-sie picture making it to the broadcast.
- Offensive Prediction: Lucky jump balls
- Offensive Key Player(s): Will Hagerup
- Defensive Prediction: great tackles 9 yards down the field.
- Key Defensive Player(s): BAMA FG kicker
- Final Score: Alabama 27 (the hard way) – MICH 0
- Miscellaneous prediction/thoughts: Enough humiliation to last 3 lifetimes.
- Offensive Prediction: 320 yards, 1 meaningless INT right before halftime.
- Offensive Key Player(s): Denard, Gardner, Fitz. Devin takes two to the house.
- Defensive Prediction: One fumble recovery by KOVACS!!!
- Key Defensive Player(s): BIG WILL makes Bama pay for the last three years.
- Final Score: MICH-27, Hillbillies-24
- Miscellaneous prediction/thoughts: Hoke pulls a Rich Rod and lines Denard up behind Big Will, QWASH, Lewan, Kalis, and PeeWee. Bama is helpless to stop this juggernaut.
- Offensive Prediction: MICH is outgained by 37.5 yards
- Offensive Key Player(s): The Denard & Devin Show (with a guest appearance by Roy Squarebush)
- Defensive Prediction: MICH +4 in turnovers as ‘Bama players play scared due to glares from Saban the Terrible
- Key Defensive Player(s): Kenny Demens
- Final Score: MICH 13 Red Elephants 20
- Miscellaneous prediction/thoughts: My it’s warm in here.
- Offensive Prediction: A lot of points are scored by both teams leading to Gary Danielson forming an intelligent opinion that differentiates between the use of dual threat quarterbacks, different types of spread offensives, and confess his true love for B1G football and begs Purdue and the B1G to take him back. The on air confession and the amount of points scored causes all SEC fans to wonder about their precious defense first brand of football and if the evolution of the college football game is about to pass them by with dual threat quarterbacks, but then remember Ole Miss and Massoli and go back to calling PAWWWWL. The OSU fans LOL at defense as they are now full on drinkers of the spread offenses now that their coach is one of the Popes of that church of CFB. The Bama fans will shrug off this feeling and attribute it to the side effects from too much glycol in their moonshine. The MICH fans shrug their shoulders and go back to eating these. The B1G fans mutter under their breath about MICH arrogance, wonder about taking Danielson back, but then gleefully taunt all their SEC friends telling them they can keep Gary.
- Offensive Key Player(s): For MICH – Denard keeps the INTs from occurring and is able to scramble/rush for >100 yards. Alabama – AJ McCarron manages the game by keeping the ball in the middle of the field making it easier for the FG kicker to make FGs.
- Defensive Prediction: Both defenses start off strong aallo a total of 10 points in the first half. The second half, however, sees the defensive falter and yield at least 4 TDs.
- Key Defensive Player(s): MICH – BWC, Black, Ryan, and Kovacs keep constant pressure on McCarron and each record a sack. BAMA – Clinton-Dix nearly makes an INT.
- Final Score: MICH 35 Alabama 27
- Miscellaneous prediction/thoughts: The flowing dreads of MICH motivate Prince Fielder who goes on a September tear to the tune of 10HR, 30 RBIs, and no errors.