Wolverine Liberation Army

Tonight, the Phoenix Suns will face the favored Los Angeles Lakers in Game 2 of the Western Conference Playoffs. Naturally, the sports media is concentrating on the major matchups – Jason Richardson vs. Kobe, Nash vs. Fish, and Amare Stoudemire vs. Pau Gas…wait. Of course they’re not. Why should blogs like the Big Lead and AOL fanhouse and media outlets like CBS and ESPN.com cover basketball when there are tangentially related relatives to torment?

In case you wondering, Carrie Stoudemire isn’t a transvestite Damon Stoudamire, or a gender confused Salim Stoudamire. She won’t be on the bench of either team. She even hasn’t and likely won’t play in the WNBA. What she did do, more than twenty years ago, was give birth to Amare. Beyond this, she isn’t newsworthy in the least. Of course, all these sites link to the ESPN source article that details a history of substance abuse, crime, and even prostitution? My grandfather was a drunk and a cocaine addict – where is his ESPN feature?

My grandfather, of course, was only the parent of a few doctors and a patent attorney, and the grandfather of a sporadically-read blogger. Until the appetite for blogger gossip ramps up, he’s likely in the clear. Somehow, being a relative of a public figure in today’s world makes you a public figure -Dez Bryant’s mother has been a topic of conversation for similar reasons. Carrie Stoudemire, plainly, is not a public figure, and deserves to undergo her problems and solutions away from media glare.

Read the rest of this entry »

Popularity: 19%

Recently, Washington Wizards* guards Gilbert Arenas and Javaris Crittenton engaged in an argurment in the team locker room that resulted in guns being drawn and threats being made.  Arenas explained he was just “joking,” but was nevertheless suspended indefinitely by the NBA for his actions.  A further part of his punishment is to endorse safe gun habits in a public forum.  Mr. Arenas has kindly shared some of his gun safety tips and general firearm etiquette with the WLA.

Read the rest of this entry »

Popularity: 15%

Delonte West is a guard for the Cleveland Cavaliers. He will be providing the WLA with a weekly rundown of the major upcoming games of the week.

1. Boston Celtics (10-4). Despite some recent struggles – notably a loss to the Orlando Magic, a game they lost despite holding Dwight HowARD THE DUCK WAS THE WORST PIECE OF SHIT MOVIE I’VE SCENE IN MY LIFE. WHEN I THINK THAT GEORGE LUCAS MAKES MILlion Little Pieces, despite Frey’s disingenuous portrayal of a true story truly touched my heart. One thing I like about the NBA is all the time I get to read when I’m out on the road. Recently, I’ve even started to take up the guitar WHICH PROVIDES A CONVENIENT RECEPTACLE FOR MY SHOTGUN THAT I CARRY AROUND IN CASE THE ZFT AMBUSHES ME AND TRIES TO INJECT ME WITH GROwth is very important to me, as a person, which is why I’ve tried to branch out in a number of different cultural directions, of with literature and music are really only a start. I really think that, looking forward to my future beyond basketball, this cultural background with provide me with opportunities after I’m done plAY WITH A SOCKIF THEY WANT ME TO. THE LEATHER BALL IS JUST ANOTHER WAY THAT THEY’RE TRYING TO LULL US, TO MAKE US COMPLACENT BEFORE THE VISITORS FROM THE OTHER DIMENSions to my life are very important. I’m also an avid fan of body-art, and even quite a good cook. I’m not down all of the “french technique” stuff, but I learned how to make some great chicken and hot sauce and even sometimes make my own home-made doNUTS THAT ROOKIE PIECE OF SHIT BETTER NOT FUCKING FORGET MY KRISPY KREME DONUTS HE THINKS I WAS JUST JOKING AROUND WITH HIM, BUT I’M WATCHING, WAITING FOR SIGNS THAT HE’S ONE OF THEM, SECRETLY TRYING TO STARVE US BEFORE OUR GAME AGAINST THOSE, FILTHY, LYING CELTICS WHO LET ME GO AFTER I GAVE THEM THREE YEARS OF MY LIFE.

Please check back next week, for Delonte West’s NBA Power-rankings.

Popularity: 8%