Wolverine Liberation Army

Friends, Family, Fans…

Like you, I stand here with a heavy heart and a mournful soul.  Like you, I am here to say goodbye to a cherished and beloved friend.  One that gave us many great memories, 4 Stanley Cups plus one more Stanley Cup appearance, 5 Conference Championships along with 9 Division Championships and an additional Conference Final appearance, and 4 Presidents’ Trophies in the past 13 years.

This year the Detriot Red Wings had an amazing run, even though it was cut rather short.  Through adversity and injury to begin the season when playoff hopes were a distant dream, we were honored to watch them rise to the occasion.  We marveled at the grace and magic of Datsyuk.  We admired the toughness of Holmstrom, and the wisened play of Lidstrom.  We saw a young goalie mature before our eyes; a hint at a possible future of this team.   These are our keepsakes of the heart.

At times we would watch them with dejection, but more often we cheered with excitement, breathless anticipation, and jaw-dropping, hands-in-the-air, jump-from-our-seat ecstasy.  For those of us whose other teams had even more difficult seasons, the 2009-10 Red Wings saved us as fans.  I could no longer separate them from my life than I could my arm.  We are one body, one mind and one soul.  We are inseparable.

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Popularity: 20%

WINNIPEG, Manitoba (WLA News Wire) – Standing in front of Winnipeg Arena on Sunday, NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman issued a hastily put together press conference. Speaking before dozens of reporters, “the Commish” as he likes to be called, stepped up to the podium out of breath, but with a spring in his step and a gleam in his eye. After thanking everyone for coming to Winnipeg, which he called a “vapid wasteland, best known for churning out Dudley Do-Rights,” Mr. Bettman got down to brass tacks.

“Over my tenure as Commissioner for the National Hockey League, I have implemented several initiatives, which I call ‘Bettman’s Betts’,” he began before elaborating on his more notable accomplishments, including rapid expansion into disinterested markets, affiliation with Fox Broadcasting and glowing pucks, and active interference in the relocation of teams to favorable, supportive locales. But to date, none of them have been successful in accomplishing his ultimate goal – to destroy professional hockey.

Inspired by a recent game in Russia, where player brawls led to almost 700 penalty minutes and resulted in cancellation of the game due to too few players left eligible to play, an excited Bettman unveiled his latest Bettman Bett: “Operation Hanson Brothers (not the band).” Mr. Bettman reasoned that if it was impossible to play the game, it would be impossible for professional hockey to survive.

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Popularity: 13%

Tonight (12/11) the Detroit Red Wings clawed back from a 2-0 deficit in the third period to win 3-2 in OT over the Anaheim Ducks. The game tying and game winning goals were supplied by Todd Bertuzzi, who is in his second stint with the Red Wings. Todd, who avoided trying to murder anyone throughout the game, scored both times from the low right slot, banking one goal in off of goaltender J.S. Giguere and placing a second one in the upper right corner of the net. These two goals were helped by the fact that Bertuzzi, who in 2004 attempted to murder Steve Moore on the ice, hadn’t tried to kill anyone, not a single person, during the game.

Bertuzzi did pick up a hooking penalty in the first period, however it was his ability to not try and commit murder while playing a game that sparked his play late in the game. Interviewed after the game Bertuzzi said, “It was clearly my ability to contain my bloodlust tonight that allowed me to score both of those goals. After the hooking penalty I thought I might jump into the Ducks bench and try and cut people with my skates, but I realized that the team might need me, so I kept the hellbeast within me contained.” Bertuzzi, who danced like a pre-pubescent boy after scoring the game winner, has attributed his ability to contain himself to two things, “(Red Wings coach) Mike Babcock has really taken the time to talk to me before every game. He knows that I have already tasted blood, and that once you get that taste it never really goes away, so he has been a steadying influence on my life. That and I already crippled Steve Moore, so I don’t have to worry about seeing him on the ice again.”

The Red Wings, who have struggled with injuries all season, clearly need him on the ice with a calm head if they are to succeed this year.

Popularity: 33%

Tonight (12/11) the Detroit Red Wings clawed back from a 2-0 deficit in the third period to win 3-2 in OT over the Anaheim Ducks. The game tying and game winning goals were supplied by Todd Bertuzzi, who is in his second stint with the Red Wings. Todd, who avoided trying to murder anyone throughout the game, scored both times from the low right slot, banking one goal in off of goaltender J.S. Giguere and placing a second one in the upper right corner of the net. These two goals were helped by the fact that Bertuzzi, who in 2004 attempted to murder Steve Moore on the ice, hadn’t tried to kill anyone, not a single person, during the game.

Bertuzzi did pick up a hooking penalty in the first period, however it was his ability to not try and commit murder while playing a game that sparked his play late in the game. Interviewed after the game Bertuzzi said, “It was clearly my ability to contain my bloodlust tonight that allowed me to score both of those goals. After the hooking penalty I thought I might jump into the Ducks bench and try and cut people with my skates, but I realized that the team might need me, so I kept the hellbeast within me contained.” Bertuzzi, who danced like a pre-pubescent boy after scoring the game winner, has attributed his ability to contain himself to two things, “(Red Wings coach) Mike Babcock has really taken the time to talk to me before every game. He knows that I have already tasted blood, and that once you get that taste it never really goes away, so he has been a steadying influence on my life. That and I already crippled Steve Moore, so I don’t have to worry about seeing him on the ice again.”

The Red Wings, who have struggled with injuries all season, clearly need him on the ice with a calm head if they are to succeed this year.

Popularity: unranked

(there are many distracting things in this picture)

Jonathan Toews (21), Duncan Keith (26) and Patrick Kane (21) sign on for long term deals with the Chicago Blackhawks, ensuring that ticket sales for the organization will continue to rise as cougars around the area come in droves to see their favorite stars. Statistics show that the dramatic increase in ticket sales over the past few years are largely due to the increase in women between the ages of 30-55 snapping up season tickets.

The Blackhawks are currently scouting middle school hockey starts to help plan for the players’ replacements when their contracts expire.

Popularity: 24%