I’m not sure what’s gone wrong with the internets lately.  People just don’t want to post anymore.  Historical things are happening in this country while MICH is making headlines in all the right ways, but no one has a word to share about it.  At least not in E-POST form.  Why come?  I at least have a reason not to post on the reg. My post are generally lacking facts or proper engrish, I don’t deny dat shiat.  But if nobody on the WLA makes a post, then it’s up to CHIPS to keep “everything is terrible” in full stride. I figured I would do a quick re-cap of what’s been going on since D-MO decided to go pro and achieve dream.

RIP: Robert Tractor Traylor, big dude with a big heart.  Also lots of family members.  Sad way to go.

Congrats: Lloyd Jonathan Carr.  Made it to the College Football Hall of fame.  I somewhat regret cheering on his impeccable “way to lose” after seeing a team just straight up lose in legitimate fashion.   Still don’t understand punting at the 35.  Why come no points, Lloyd?

Detroit Red Wing$: After going down 0-3 to the Shark$, the Wing$ made a valiant effort by forcing a game seven in one of the most highly watched “non-finals” series in NHL history.  Just before they dropped the puck in game four, most everyone wanted to do is FIRE BABCOCK, BENCH HOWARD and START OSGOOD.  Good thing they didn’t.  Fun fact, both teams scored the same amount of goals in 7 games.  Go ahead, double check it.  It was fun to watch and it seemed to revitalize the whole “Hockey Town” vibe that Metro Detroit and Windsor have.  Probably also sold a good amount of Hot & Ready’s too.  FIRE ILLICH.

Detroit Tigers: In the spirit of FIRIING EVERYONE, the same goes for Leyland & DUMBrowski.  2 weeks ago, they were all FIRED.  Let’s not forget about SENDING DOWN A-JAX.  Now, after winning 9 out of 10 and seeing Justin Verlander throw his 2^nd no-hitter, the ‘Ger$ are looking to win their division.  Although, if they lose to the Red Sox again tonight, FIRE UP THOSE PINK SLIPS.

Lions: They drafted a receiver.  HALOL.  But I am looking forward to this season.  If it happens.  Book the Lions +4 over Tampa.

Pistons: Rumors have them setting up an interview with Jimmer Ferdette.  HALOL.

MICH: I hear woman’s softball is doing rather well.  Dave Brandon is tweeting up a storm about selling tickets at a 30% increase.  The Basketball squadron continues to have some hype around future recruits.  Glenn Robinson III is moving up the rankings and will hopefully help Beilein’s “ceiling” move up.

MICH FOOTBALL: Brady Hoke is punching other schools in the mouth in recruiting and it’s gotten M$U fans all sorts of butthurt.  It’s been rather insane how fast he is picking up 2012 recruits in the state of MICH.  Seven total so far with the addition today of Terry Richardson. All of those Seven have been offered by Michigan State, which is clearly leaving Mark Dantonio upset.  At least that’s what his twitter account shows.  Even the god of Spartan Slappys, Mike Valenti can’t help but make excuses about his coaches recruiting, or lack there of.  Good times.  Now this past winter isn’t feeling so badt, is it?  Well.  Maybe it still is for one fella.

Did I miss anything?  Probably.  At least we got a fresh post.

BUTTHURT

Like you, I stand here with a heavy heart and a mournful soul.  Like you, I am here to say goodbye to a cherished and beloved friend.  One that gave us many great memories, 4 Stanley Cups plus one more Stanley Cup appearance, 5 Conference Championships along with 9 Division Championships and an additional Conference Final appearance, and 4 Presidents’ Trophies in the past 13 years.

This year the Detriot Red Wings had an amazing run, even though it was cut rather short.  Through adversity and injury to begin the season when playoff hopes were a distant dream, we were honored to watch them rise to the occasion.  We marveled at the grace and magic of Datsyuk.  We admired the toughness of Holmstrom, and the wisened play of Lidstrom.  We saw a young goalie mature before our eyes; a hint at a possible future of this team.   These are our keepsakes of the heart.

At times we would watch them with dejection, but more often we cheered with excitement, breathless anticipation, and jaw-dropping, hands-in-the-air, jump-from-our-seat ecstasy.  For those of us whose other teams had even more difficult seasons, the 2009-10 Red Wings saved us as fans.  I could no longer separate them from my life than I could my arm.  We are one body, one mind and one soul.  We are inseparable.

Which is why it’s so hard to say goodbye.  It’s as if a part of me died, just as the Wings’ season died yester…

Wait….what?

You’re saying they’re not out yet?

There’s still at least one game left?

We still get more Wings playoff hockey, and get to watch for the mere joy of the game and the team we love?

Well, aren’t I just a bitter fey spineless little fuck full of forced emo prose for sending them to the grave so soon. 

One could even say that someone who mourns the passing of the Wings before their season is done should be repeatedly slapped upside the head with a bag of diseased cocks for being such a faux fan.

“Over my tenure as Commissioner for the National Hockey League, I have implemented several initiatives, which I call ‘Bettman’s Betts’,” he began before elaborating on his more notable accomplishments, including rapid expansion into disinterested markets, affiliation with Fox Broadcasting and glowing pucks, and active interference in the relocation of teams to favorable, supportive locales. But to date, none of them have been successful in accomplishing his ultimate goal – to destroy professional hockey.

Inspired by a recent game in Russia, where player brawls led to almost 700 penalty minutes and resulted in cancellation of the game due to too few players left eligible to play, an excited Bettman unveiled his latest Bettman Bett: “Operation Hanson Brothers (not the band).” Mr. Bettman reasoned that if it was impossible to play the game, it would be impossible for professional hockey to survive.

“This certainly isn’t the first time I’ve tried to kill hockey,” admitted Bettman, referring to the player lockout of 1994-95 which slashed (ha!) the season almost in half from 84 to 48 games. “I even went so far as to completely cancel an entire hockey season in 2004. But the damn thing is a cockroach.

“After seeing the events in Russia, I realized that I acted too abruptly. I tried to use a dulled machete, when I should have used a scalpel. We need to understand this cockroach, learn its behavior and then exploit its instincts. And what do hockey players like to do most? Fight. By actively encouraging players to fight and getting them to the penalty box early and in droves, we hope to prevent games from ever being finished. No wins. No loses. No playoffs. No nothing. But what WILL be finished is professional hockey.”

While many of Mr. Bettman’s attempts to destroy hockey have met with failure, such as his efforts to rename the Stanley Cup as “The Kraft Cheese Nacho Bowl” and introducing half-time shows featuring Dane Cook and Andrew W.K. in the middle of the second period, Mr. Bettman has not been deterred. “With a little effort, every NHL franchise across North America, every hockey venue will look like this,” said a beaming Commissioner while gesturing to a dark and empty Winnipeg Arena.

When reached for comment for their expertise in driving organizations into the ground, Rick Wagoner, Matt Millen, Ken Lay and various UAW leaders called Bettman’s plan “daring,” “brilliant,” and “sure to drive a stake through hockey’s heart.”

As expected, fan outrage at Bettman’s announcement went largely ignored by the NHL.

Bertuzzi did pick up a hooking penalty in the first period, however it was his ability to not try and commit murder while playing a game that sparked his play late in the game. Interviewed after the game Bertuzzi said, “It was clearly my ability to contain my bloodlust tonight that allowed me to score both of those goals. After the hooking penalty I thought I might jump into the Ducks bench and try and cut people with my skates, but I realized that the team might need me, so I kept the hellbeast within me contained.” Bertuzzi, who danced like a pre-pubescent boy after scoring the game winner, has attributed his ability to contain himself to two things, “(Red Wings coach) Mike Babcock has really taken the time to talk to me before every game. He knows that I have already tasted blood, and that once you get that taste it never really goes away, so he has been a steadying influence on my life. That and I already crippled Steve Moore, so I don’t have to worry about seeing him on the ice again.”

The Red Wings, who have struggled with injuries all season, clearly need him on the ice with a calm head if they are to succeed this year.

Bertuzzi did pick up a hooking penalty in the first period, however it was his ability to not try and commit murder while playing a game that sparked his play late in the game. Interviewed after the game Bertuzzi said, “It was clearly my ability to contain my bloodlust tonight that allowed me to score both of those goals. After the hooking penalty I thought I might jump into the Ducks bench and try and cut people with my skates, but I realized that the team might need me, so I kept the hellbeast within me contained.” Bertuzzi, who danced like a pre-pubescent boy after scoring the game winner, has attributed his ability to contain himself to two things, “(Red Wings coach) Mike Babcock has really taken the time to talk to me before every game. He knows that I have already tasted blood, and that once you get that taste it never really goes away, so he has been a steadying influence on my life. That and I already crippled Steve Moore, so I don’t have to worry about seeing him on the ice again.”

The Red Wings, who have struggled with injuries all season, clearly need him on the ice with a calm head if they are to succeed this year.

Jonathan Toews (21), Duncan Keith (26) and Patrick Kane (21) sign on for long term deals with the Chicago Blackhawks, ensuring that ticket sales for the organization will continue to rise as cougars around the area come in droves to see their favorite stars. Statistics show that the dramatic increase in ticket sales over the past few years are largely due to the increase in women between the ages of 30-55 snapping up season tickets.

The Blackhawks are currently scouting middle school hockey starts to help plan for the players’ replacements when their contracts expire.