Question 1: How do I deal with Michigan recruits dropping places in the rankings?
A) Bitch about them dropping for being already committed.
B) Fret about not having any top 100 recruits in May.
C) Get enraged that Rivals sucks at ranking players and isn’t fair, then shamefully realize my last post was demeaning Rich Rod for offering ‘middle of road’ WRs, where middle of the road is determined using rankings like Rivals. Oops.
D) Point out RR track record in excelling with recruits that are low ranked, and hell, it’s only fucking May, these kids are juniors in high school and this addiction is borderline pedophilia even to the greeks/spartans (the ancient ones, not the rollerbladin’ brahs in the EL).
E) Just D.

Question 2: How do I communicate my feelings about reduced rankings to said recruits?
A) MySpace. Immediately. I’m friends with them all.
B) Facebook wallposts. It makes me feel connected to 16/17 year old freak athletes I have nothing in common with.
C) What are MySpace and Facebook?
D) Whooaa, people actually friend recruits and then talk to them? That’s really fucking creepy.
E) http://pedobear.org/
F) Do I get extra credit for interviewing recruits?

Question 3: My next post on recruiting will be about -
A) How Scout is better than Rivals because they rank current Michigan recruits higher.
B) How Star Ratings don’t matter because Pat White.
C) How Star Ratings don’t matter because Kevin Grady.
D) OMG 2 mny slot recevers!!11!!!!
E) I recruit “Talent”, if you know what I mean (/wink /ninjafootball).

True/False

Question 4: I spend too much time following recruiting.
A) True
B) False

Question 5: My wife would divorce me if she knew how much time I dedicated to 17 year old boys.
A) True
B) True

Question 6: I am aware that Michigan is at a huge disadvantage in recruiting to the Southern schools, and at a smaller disadvantage to OSU.
A) True
B) Fal$e

Question 7: I now realize how much better my life was before I followed recruiting. Finding out about who was recruited to Michigan only when they hit the field was much less involved.
A) True
B) I’m in Denial.

Short Answer

Question 8: In 54.7 words or less, justify how questioning Michigan’s recruiting strategy (eg, questioning if RR knows he needs defensive recruits) two months into the first full cycle RR is part of (among other evidence proving it’s not RRs first rodeo) does not make you some kind of reverse sycophant that is still 100% pure fail.

Kirby Line Breaks
t(‘.’t)
(>’.')>
<(‘.’<)

Answer Key

1. D or E. We would also have accepted “I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize.”
2. C (half credit) or D (full credit)
3. Kate Beckinsale, Rachel McAdams, or Elisha Cuthbert.
4. A. We also would have accepted “I spend too much time criticizing people for following recruiting.”
5. A or B.
6. Answering E$$-EEE-CEE, O$UCK$, or U$C results in immediate death by harpoon.
7. A, or if you opened up http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twelve-step_program immediately after.
8.

We present to you, our last (thankfully) installment of Very Mostest Critical Recruits By Class: Part IV (2025 – 2029) (Link to Part I, Part II and Part III)

Recruiting Class – 2025 (2 Years Old):  Daniel Michalski (OT / 3’3″ / 34 lbs / 8.28-40 (but faster than you care to run in a grocery store) / Libertyville, IL)

A big kid with non-stop motor that developed a serious mean streak by being a younger brother.  Long arms and thick in the seat, the drive blocking machine loves to run over his older brother and is willing to push or slug whoever is trying to get to his things. His practice regime is comprised of running over who ever walks in the door and chasing the family dog around the house.  After a long day of running his parents ragged, he can be found chilling with his bottle and blanket.

YMRMFSPATGIYAAOAJM: Jake Long (Michigan)

Coach’s Take:  DIAPERS good product for INFANTS AND coaches with INCONTINENCE.

Recruiting Class – 2026 (1 Year Old):  Towen Schmitt James (FB / 2’3″ / 24 lbs / 12.78-40 / Morgantown, WV)

Conceived in a drunken post Fiesta Bowl celebration between Towen’s parents and rabid ‘Neers fans Destiny and Mitch James (tow truck driver) .  Towen will need to overcome substantial odds to achieve the level of success that his namesake has, given his steady diet of Mountain Dew and Wonder Bread and ketchup sandwiches (which would make any dentist cringe) and hard scrabble upbringing, but given Owen’s rise from obscurity at D-III Univesity of Wisconsin-River Falls (best known for the famed trout fishing Kinnickinnic River) to cult status at WVU, this seems a reasonable assumption.

YMRMFSPATGIYAAOAJM: Owen Schmitt (West Virginia, runaway beer truck)

Where Did I Park The Beer Truck?

Coach’s Take:  Beer truck good for DELIVERING beers and sleeping in DOWN by the river.

Recruiting Class – 2027 (in utero):  Jordan Ray (K-P / 0’4″ / 14 ozs / NA / Torrance, CA)

The soon-to-be southern California product has diligently been working on his leg strength, regularly practicing his technique roughly an hour following his mother Rachel’s meals and a couple of times during the night.  Rachel has indicated that Jordan is likely to be a busy little boy and may have already cracked one of his mother’s ribs, but fortunately his lack of consistency has spread the damage to other body parts.

YMRMFSPATGIYAAOAJM: Hayden Epstein (Michigan, Big leg / bad aim)

Who Knew Navarre Could Jump? But We're Going to Feel It When He Lands.

Coach’s Take: Coach like 30 minute, HOUR and THREE hour meals.

Recruiting Class – 2028 (a night with one too many bottles of wine from happening):  Thomas Brady, Jr. (QB / 0.001mm / 0.001 ozs / 22.68-40 / Boston, MA)

With the recent wedding of Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady, the birth of a future UofM QB can’t be too far off.  Given the amount of advertising work and magazine covers for both of Tom Jr’s parents, it appears that the recruiting battle will be between Michigan and the Ford Modeling Agency.  The WLA has outsourced the scouting of this “recruit” to the members of the MGoBlog community who have been busy stalking The Tate’s love life, as we would rather stay out of that.  As a fall back, Rich Rodriguez has contacted former actress and Brady-baby-mama Bridget Moynahan regarding the future college choices of her son, John Brady Moynahan.

YMRMFSPATGIYAAOAJM: Drew Henson (much to his father’s dismay).

Thats Going To Be One Good Lookin Babby

Coach’s Take:  Coach Rodriguez need RECRUIT John Moynahan AND Drew Henson Jr.  QB competition GOOD for WHOLE PROGRAM.

Recruiting Class – 2029:  Zorg (QB/Alien hybrid / 7’2″ / 75 lbs / 3.12-40 / Valles Marineris (NASA Jet Propulsion Lab), Mars)

Stirred up after another mission to Mars by the United States and NASA (all Michigan alumni), Zorg was compelled to travel to Earth and join the Wolverines. Due to the great distances between Earth and Mars, Zorg isn’t slatted to arrive for 20 years; which is the same amount of time it takes Steven Threet to finally decide on a school. With 4 arms and 8 rotating legs, Zorg can both throw on the move and phase through opponents. He is hard to tackle, due to advances in alien technology. His greatest weakness is his ability to grasp the English language. Friend of Zoltan Mesko.

YMRMFSPATGIYAAOAJM: Jar Jar Binks (Star Wars, idiot)

Maybe We Can Just Paint the Winged Helmet On Him?

Coach’s Take:  Zorg grasp ENGLISH LANGUAGE gooder than COACH, but still need IMPROVE. Just epinion, no sugarCOAT.

* YMRMFSPATGIYAAOAJM == You May Remember Me From Such Players As This Guy If You Are As Old As Jamie Mac

We understand that our fellow Revolutionaries have a thirst for Zima and knowledge regarding the future recruiting targets of Comrade Rodriguez. To quench that thirst, the WLA has tapped into our vast network of informants and sent numerous Revolutionaries into the field to scour the country to seek our future gridiron soldiers. We have taken extreme measures to identify, qualify, and rank the future recruits and present the single most important recruit for each of the classes during Comrade Rodriguez’s leadership of our football team.

We present to you, our Very Mostest Critical Recruits By Class: Part III (2020 – 2024) (Link to Part I and Part II)

Recruiting Class – 2020 (1st Grade): Johnny “The Foot” Harrison (K-P / 3’10″ / 59 lbs / 8.66-40 / Flint (Doyle-Rider Elementary School), MI)

Rated the best line leader of his class, Johnny “The Foot” Harrison devastates the recess competition with his booming leg. Often the giver of bruised faces and skinned knees, The Foot’s skills are unmatched. To follow in the long line of chubby Michigan kickers, Johnny must start eating more. His mom already notes that he doesn’t particularly enjoy vegetables, just meat and potatoes. At 3’10″, Johnny doesn’t really need to grow anymore as cleats and Internet speculation should put him around 5’8″. The Foot will also prove that “Healthy People 2020″ is full of shit.

YMRMFSPATGIYAAOAJM*: Garrett Rivas (Michigan, stocky)

Coach’s Take: Early childhood obesity lead to DIABETES AND WEDGIES. No SUGAR COATING.

5'9" 211lbs Never Kicked So Good

Recruiting Class – 2021 (Kindergarden): Jerry Ford (OC / 4’0″ / 54 lbs / 7.13-40 / Grand Rapids (Eastside Christian School), MI)

Great-great-great grandson of President Gerald Ford. A legacy recruit and definition of Michigan Man. Jerry has spent many a football Saturday watching the Wolverines in his father’s den surrounded by the autographed picture of Bo and Gerald and various framed images of Michigan Stadium while wearing the vintage leather Michigan football helmet worn by the President. While Jerry is a fine, upstanding boy with nary a moral issue to be concerned with, yet there is a concern that he views football as a stepping stone into public office and may forgo his senior year to enroll in Yale’s law school. The benefits of signing Jerry include unretiring his great-great grand father’s #48 and that he won’t require a scholarship due to Gerald’s various scholarship endowments at the University. Project a likely recruiting battle with Grand Valley State, Yale and Georgetown.

YMRMFSPATGIYAAOAJM: Gerald Ford (Michigan, Presidential)

Coach’s Take: Ford need SNAP BALL not just DEMOCRATS, not just REPUBLICANS, but WHOLE TEAM. Need BI-PARTISAN SNAPPING.

Those Who Graduate... Will Need to Find Employment

Recruiting Class – 2022 (5 Years Old): Andrei “The Red Scare” Drago (DE / 114 cm (3’9″) / 20.4 kg (45 lbs) / 6.94-40 / Moscow, Soviet Union Russia)

Son of former Soviet “amateur” boxing champion Ivan Drago. The tall, powerful Communist threat off of the edge had been a lock to join to Red Army boxing team to follow in his father’s footsteps.  But the nationalization of the automotive and finance industries in the United States, and the rise to power of the communist socialist liberal Democratic Party following the 2008 Presidential Election has given the young Russian the will to venture to the United States to avenge the stunning defeat of his father at the hands of Rocky Balboa in Moscow on Christmas Day 1985. Andrei is a favorite of the WLA, and our chemists are hard at work to ensure his Kremlin (and Alex Rodriguez) approved training regime will be “acceptable” to the NCAA. Michigan and Cal are seen as Andrei’s leading suitors given the political leanings of both campuses.

YMRMFSPATGIYAAOAJM: Glen Steele (Michigan)

Coach’s Take: Coach cry not JUST when apollo die, but when rocky win HEARTS AND MINDS.

That's What He Said

Recruiting Class – 2023 (4 Years Old): Geoffrey Perles (OG/ 3’4″ / 44 lbs / 9.63-40 / East Lansing, MI)

A late developer who is still in diapers and needs to wear a helmet due to his lack of balance. The boy sleeps with a stuffed Sparty doll and his parents have tried to disassociate themselves with him in public.  He spends many of his weekends with his great uncle George Perles. He has been asking his great uncle if he would get him a nice barbed wire tattoo for his birthday along with a copy of “300″. Saying his physical gifts are few and far between is being generous, but those “gifts” dwarf his mental abilities.

Ag School Degree --> Future in Lawn Maintenance

Recruiting Class – 2024 (3 Years Old): Aristide “Moto Moto” Boudreaux (DT / 3’5″ / 42 lbs / 8.27-40 / Vermilion Parish, LA)

A future run stuffing force of nature born on the bayou of Vermilion Parish. Being fed a steady diet of jambalaya, gumbo, and andouille will develop the young boy into a robust nose guard capable of crushing his family’s refrigerator door and opposing offensive linemen. He has maintained his agility by avoiding the various predators native to the bayou: alligators, snakes and recruiting guru/pedo Tom Lemming hiding in the bushes. LSU HC Les Miles has been quoted regarding Mr. Boudreaux as “he’s a damn strong young man that would be right at home in Baton Rogue.” It may be difficult to extract the young Cajun from Louisiana. Coach Rodriguez takes special delight in Aristide’s “Moto Moto” nickname as it hearkens to the family friendly animated movies he finds relevant to leading a football team.

YMRMFSPATGIYAAOAJM: Gabe Watson (Michigan, round and chunky)

Coach’s Take: Coach like not just MADAGASCAR but also meerkat MANOR.

I Like 'em Big And Chunky

* YMRMFSPATGIYAAOAJM == You May Remember Me From Such Players As This Guy If You Are As Old As Jamie Mac

We present to you, our Very Mostest Critical Recruits By Class:  Part II  (2015 – 2019) (Link to Part I)

Recruiting Class – 2015 (6th Grade):  Amaguq “The Wolf” Harper (OLB / 5’3″ / 86 lbs / 6.20-40 / Nome (Nome-Beltz Junior High School), AK)

A fast pursuer and tenacious tackler with a near mythical ability to shed blockers and bring down opponents.  Tackling ability has been honed by chasing and subduing young caribou on the Alaskan tundra.  Amaguq is a decedent of Inuits, and his recruitment will offer Michigan a means to offset the Samoans being recruited by USC and the Pac-10 schools.  A great teammate and locker room guy with a flair for practical jokes.  Also, a favorite of Mike Barwis.

YMRMFSPATGIYAAOAJM*: Troy Polamalu (USC, Paul Mitchell Hair Care Products)

Coach’s take: Wolf both FERAL and also good keep coach WARM at beddy-bye.

Saturday Afternoon

Saturday Night

Recruiting Class – 2016 (5th Grade):  Shinobi “Silent Death” Ito (Slot Receiver / 4’7″ / 73 lbs / 6.12-40 / Koka, Japan)

While lacking experience in football, Shinobi is a master in the Japanese martial art of ninjutsu.  Quiet, agile, sneaky and lightning fast, Shinobi represents the ultimate weapon out of the slot receiver position.  Additionally, he is extremely stylish decked out in all black.  There are potential pitfalls to signing Mr. Ito as he may have legal issues with the numerous deaths that are likely to occur in his presence, his tendency to “disappear” for periods of time while he is decimating the opposition’s special teams units by slicing the ligaments in the back of their knees, and the difficulty in interviewing him as he refuses to speak.

YMRMFSPATGIYAAOAJM: Antonio Bass (Michigan) (The king of stealth — tell me how many times you actually saw him?)

Coach’s take: ACTUAL NINJA playing NINJA FOOTBALL make good IRONY.  Like meeting MAN of DREAMS AND BEAUTIFUL WIFE.

New Adidas Uniforms?

Recruiting Class – 2017 (4th Grade):  Rhett Rodriguez (QB / 4’8″ / 90 lbs / 7.07-40 / Saline (Harvest Elementary School), MI)

Projected to be a three year starter for Saline High School with a great mind for the game, but a surprising lack of physical tools with an overall record of 18-12.  The young man makes up for his lack of arm strength and top end speed with grit, determination, and… grit.  The son of Rich Rodriguez is a surprisingly important recruit given his 2* guru ratings, as the idea of him signing with in-state rivals Michigan State or Eastern Michigan would provide far too much material for Drew Sharp, Jr. and Michelle Albom to imply a lack of “family values.”  He will likely be a preferred walk-on, aided by the fact that as a child of a University employee, he gets reduced tuition rates and will become the best coaches son QB at Michigan behind Jason Carr.

YMRMFSPATGIYAAOAJM: Nick Sheridan (Michigan, Walk-on QB from Saline, Death Kitten)

Coach’s take: Coach Rodriguez pass on good GENES for FOOTBALL and MALE PATTERN BALDNESS.

This Can All Be Yours, My Son

Recruiting Class – 2018 (3rd Grade):  One’Keese and Tu’Keese Richardson (CB / 4’7″ / 55 lbs / 6.21-40 / Pahokee (Pahokee Elementary School), FL)

The younger cousins of 2009 Tennesse recruit WR Nu’Keese Richardson.  The twins possess unparalleled speed and work ethic among the 2018 recruits.  This has been demonstrated by their adherence to a Barwis designed workout regiment handed down to them by the original Pahokee-to-Ann Arbor pipeline members, Martavious Odoms, Vincent Smith and Brandin Hawthorne.  The recruiting battle is thought to include Michigan, Florida and USC.  Even though it has been eight years since Lane Kiffin was fired at Tennessee, no UT coaches are allowed to recruit at Pahokee because as stated by Pahokee Head Football Coach, Blaze Thompson “If they were dumb enough to hire Kiffin, the next guy can’t be any better.”  Should Coach Rodriguez win this recruiting battle, we at the WLA look forward to the inevitably stupid arguments put forth by some blog commentors along the lines of “with two lock down corners, each takng away half of the field, no one will be able to pass on us!!!!11!!1″

YMRMFSPATGIYAAOAJM: one is Deion Sanders and the other is Charles Woodson, but we can’t tell them apart (Florida State / Michigan / Twins )

Coach’s take:  TWINS movie stars not only ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER, but also DANNY DEVITO.  YAKETY YAK, no E-TALK back.

Twins

Recruiting Class – 2019 (2nd Grade):  Titia Ninkovich (DE / 4’5″ / 69 lbs / 7.93-40 / Ulyanovsk, Russia)

The only child of Vladimir Kerplinko, a potato farmer in the rural area surrounding Ulyanovsk, Russia.  Titia’s mother, Nadia, died during child birth leaving the hard working farmer Vladimir with no sons to aid in his labor on the farm.  As a result, Titia has become her father’s farm hand.  The exhausting labor of manually picking potatoes has not only developed Titia’s powerful core, but also taught her how to keep her pad level low, causing her to be an unstoppable force coming off of the edge.  Tatia wishes to study in the US to learn to enhance the notoriously low potato crop yields of her father’s farm and the other farms in the central Volga River Valley.  The schools aggressively recruiting the young DE are OSU, MSU, Illinois and Idaho.   Each school possesses a significant agricultural school and is offering to house her mule, Pavel, thus placing Michigan at a disadvantage.  Also of great importance to the Revolution, Titia shares a hometown with Vladimir Ulyanov, better known as Lenin.

YMRMFSPATGIYAAOAJM: Craig Roh (Michigan, Pad Level)

Coach’s Take:  Ideal woman need LOVER’S TOUCH AND be built like BRICK SHIT HOUSE.

Pad Level, Pad Level, Pad Level!!

* YMRMFSPATGIYAAOAJM == You May Remember Me From Such Players As This Guy If You Are As Old As Jamie Mac

We present to you, our Very Mostest Critical Recruits By Class:  Part I  (2010 – 2014)

Recruiting Class – 2010 (Junior):  Devin Gardner (Dual Threat QB / 6’4″ / 196 lbs / 4.63-40 / Inkster (Inkster High School), MI)

Possibly the #1 rated QB recruit in the 2010 class, Devin has been compared to Vince Young as they share a similar build and athleticism.  And Devin favors the #10, just as Vince did at Texas.  What makes this recruit very important is that Michigan needs to continue the recent trend of only starting freshman QBs.  With Steven Threet leaving after starting as a freshman, one must assume that The Tate or Shoelace Robinson, whoever has the most experience, will leave following the season, requiring a new freshman to plug into the offense.  Mr. Gardner, the role is yours for 2010.

YMRMFSPATGIYAAOAJM*:  Vince Young (Texas, Dr. Phil)

Coach’s Take: My epinion that Devin Gardner not just GOOD passer, also good RUNNER.

Top End Speediness

Recruiting Class – 2011 (Sophomore):  Susie MacPherson (Supermodel / 5’10″ / 112 lbs / 5.92-40 / Sydney (Dulwich High School of Visual Arts & Design), Australia)

Everyone has been wringing their hands over the issues in the defensive backfield and Michigan’s need to fill those holes, including the pending graduation of Donovan Warren, but that fails to observe what is really important — keeping the recruits already in the program.  Susie is widely known as the beautiful niece of former supermodel Elle MacPherson and she is looking to attend university in the States.  By signing Susie, the possibility of losing either Tate Forcier (aka White Jesus or The Tate), Denard Robinson (aka Shoelaces) or hopefully Devin Gardner (aka VY 2.0) to the transfer fairy that stole Steven Threet from us, we will be greatly reduced.

YMRMFSPATGIYAAOAJM:  Elle “The Body” MacPherson (Sports Illustrated, Young Boys’ Dreams)

Coach’s Take:  Susie not just MALE but also FEMALE.

Auntie Elle

Recruiting Class – 2012 (Freshman):  Chris Spielman, Jr. (MLB / 5’11″ / 169 lbs / 5.17-40 / Dublin (Dublin Scioto High School), OH)

The oldest son of four time NFL Pro Bowl and former OSU linebacker Chris Spielman, is widely expected to be among the most sought after recruits in the 2012 class.  Seeking to following in his father’s footsteps into the national conscience through modeling opportunities for consumer products (the NFL is his fall back option to fame).  The recruiting battle between OSU and Michigan will be intense.  Michigan will need to better the offer Tressel has put forward of having young Chris’ face grace the Seagrams’ Wine Coolers container.

YMRMFSPATGIYAAOAJM:  Chris Spielman (Ohio State, Wheaties)

Coach’s Take: Spielman not only have GOOD motor, but also PRETTY face.

Wheaties + Spielman = The Original Buckstache

Recruiting Class – 2013 (8th Grade):  Frobozz Tamoshanter (Long Snapper / 5’5″ / 272 lbs / 7.62-40 / Kalkaska (Cherry Street Intermediate School), MI)

After four years of producing top 10 national recruiting classes, but likely losing the in-state battle to MSU, Rich Rodriguez will finally say, “fuck it” and decide that he needs to sign 24 recruits all from the state of Michigan.  Unfortunately, there are only 23 kids even worth considering for D-1A or D-1AA scholarships.  But having made his intentions known to the local media, he will stick with his commitment and target Frobozz, currently an eighth-grader.  The downside: there will be a huge hole in the roster comprised of this compromised class.  The upside: MSU will have no players available for them to sign and MGoBrian will have no problem Google stalking Frobozz (unfortunately, the local news articles are more likely to discuss his success in the local fishing tourney and hunting kills than his on field accomplishments).

YMRMFSPATGIYAAOAJM:  George Morales (Michigan, Big Ten Burrito)

Coach’s Take: Rich Rodriguez need recruit not just WAYNE COUNTY, but whole STATE OF MICHIGAN.  Tamoshanter good NAME and RAKISH HAT.

Recruiting Class – 2014 (7th Grade):  Michael Mathers (RB / 5’1″ / 96 lbs / 6.11-40 / Detroit (Munger Middle School), MI)

Young Michael can regularly been seen running along the curbs of his street, executing perfect flips over the mailboxes and fire hydrants in his neighborhood, or dropping a fresh set of misogynistic lyrics to a random beat.  But can you fault the kid?  He’s been driven to limits of sanity by multiple head injuries and a bat shit crazy girl in his home room class named Kim.  His interests outside of football include urban music and digital video, as he dreams of seeing his explosive runs and explicit celebratory lyrics captured on You Tube.

YMRMFSPATGIYAAOAJM: Sam McGuffie (Michigan, Rice, Michigan Medial Center)

Coach’s take: Mathers not only SLIM but ALSO shady.

OMG Shirtless!!

* YMRMFSPATGIYAAOAJM == You May Remember Me From Such Players As This Guy If You Are As Old As Jamie Mac

Michael Phelps: First, I’d like to thank Alex Rodriguez for his noble sacrifice in getting my ass out of the headlines.  And not a moment too soon, Mitch Albom was just finishing up some terrible journalism on how I represent everything wrong with role models nowadays.  But seriously folks, is this so bad? No, it’s not, not at fucking all.

ShockFX: That does explain the diet, no?

Phelps: Did I mention my best friend at Michigan was this guy?

ShockFX: I thought it was Kevin Grady?  You guys have a lot in common.

Phelps: Hey, shit happens when you party naked.

ShockFX: Or if you’re around coolers and buckeye fans.  However, onto the topic at hand.  I understand you’re a big Michigan Football fan and that you’ve been giving Rich Rod some advice?

Phelps: Oh yes, of course.  Given the 3-9 season Michigan just endured, I’ve been sharing my experiences with recruiting talent.  Afterall, Nevada is an under-recruited state.  It wouldn’t hurt to establish a pipeline there, if you know what I mean.

ShockFX: Indeed.  One of the criticisms of Rich Rodriguez has been that he’s not recruiting enough 4 and 5 star players to Michigan, and that this isn’t the Big East.  What do you think he can do to improve this?

Phelps: I only recruit 5 stars – why would anyone want to bother with 3 star ass when you can do so, so much better?

ShockFX: Uhh, aren’t you in that 3 star picture?

Phelps: Even Pete Carroll (WIN FOREVER!!!!) rounds out his class with kickers and punters…hold on a sec, I’ve got a phone call.  “Hello?…Didn’t we already talk about this?…No, I don’t want to write the foreword to How What I Ate Made Me the Man I Am Today…For the last time, I only eat that much because I need to for all the exercise I do, it’s not the same…yeah yeah, ok then, have a good one…wait…yeah, can you have Brady get me some EAS Myoplex?  Just kick him out from under your desk and tell him to get on it.  Thanks Charlie.”

ShockFX: I thought you followed Michigan sports pretty closely?

Phelps: I’m thinking about becoming a hockey player.  Those guys get ALL the hottest talent.  Miley Cyrus, you’re on notice.  I’ll Hannah her Montana like a true Michigan Man.

ShockFX: You aren’t really that knowledgeable on FOOTBALL talent are you?

Phelps: I saw Unicorns, Zima, Miley Cyrus, Weed and then accepted the guest invite.  Say, when are the strippers getting here?

ShockFX: Thanks again for stopping by and good luck with your recruiting efforts.