Most people would think this is a good thing. For certain groups, however- politicians and newspaper columnists come to mind- the ability to instantly reproduce what someone said yesterday is a form of unwanted accountability. If you uttered a statement yesterday that we find out was false today, then you might be asked lots of questions along the lines of “were you stupid or were you lying?” And if your career relies almost exclusively on your personal credibility, neither stupid nor lying is good for you. The internet can be very dangerous to you.

Almost six months after the Free Press broke the “OMG Michigan Committed Major Violations” story, we now have some more definitive information on exactly what went on with M’s practices. And because everything on the internet is forever, we can retrospectively judge the work of Rosenberg and Snyder.

It is my contention that authors Michael Rosenberg and Mark Snyder lied to readers about the Michigan football practice regime. Lying is different than just being wrong. A lie requires the person to state a falsehood, and know that it is false at the time. So I must show that A) their article was significantly wrong or false, and B) they knew it was wrong.

For reference, here is the Freep article (lead-in and details) that started the whole mess.

Initially I started fisking the article bit by bit, but there is no need to be that tl;dr. Here is the crux of the article, right in the intro:

The University of Michigan football team consistently has violated NCAA rules governing off-season workouts, in-season demands on players and mandatory summer activities under coach Rich Rodriguez, numerous players told the Free Press.

This assertion is repeated in various forms and in various detail throughout the article. ‘Michigan consistently broke the rules by practicing too much.’ This is false. The press conference today just made that official. The practice schedule as told by Rosenberg massively overstated the hours, and after all is said and done we’re talking about how to count time allocated for stretching (seriously). Further, there was nothing consistent or willful about the schedule or staff activities.

And…that’s it, then. The Freep asserted that Michigan consistently violated NCAA rules, and that’s simply not true. Check Part A.

On to Part B: did they know this wasn’t true?

In the article, the players made no claim about “consistent NCAA violations,” ever. None of the players offered any on the record interpretation of NCAA-designated “voluntary” or “mandatory” hours, which by now we all know is extremely important. In short, no player ever said on the record “we’re breaking the rules.” Which given the effort put into this “investigation,” that’s kind of telling, isn’t it?

When considering Rosenberg’s and Snyder’s article, we should remember that making claims about practice schedules, time requirements, and perceptions of what was “required” is NOT the same as making claims about NCAA compliance. Again- no player made any comment about complying or not complying with NCAA guidelines, which is the entire point of the article.

Rosenberg and Snyder knew they didn’t have what they claimed to have. The players made no such assertions about NCAA compliance- otherwise, those quotes would have been included. Further, Rosenberg and Snyder knew the guidelines on “voluntary” workouts were important, because Brian asked them directly. But they withheld that information from their readers.

They effectively concealed the fact that they didn’t have any primary and/or corroborated quotes about NCAA violations (lying through commission), they withheld crucial information about how hours are categorized (lying through omission), and they knew they didn’t know how the hours were actually being categorized (just plain ignorance, but again lying through omission about their ignorance). It’s theoretically possible they didn’t know their statements were false, but they at least knew there was a chance. They omitted that chance from the article.

They certainly didn’t know their statements were true either. Is strongly asserting something you know could theoretically be true but might also be false a lie? If you don’t offer up any qualifications to your assertions (I didn’t see any), then I say yes, especially in the case of Rosenberg.

I suppose the best we could say about Snyder is he was totally ignorant of the subject on which he was writing and he didn’t know he was uttering falsehoods. So yay for being a dumbass, Mr. Snyder. But with Rosenberg, we know from his opinion column that he disapproves of the job Rodriguez is doing. For him to write falsehoods that also denigrate someone he disapproves of is just a bit too much of a coincidence for me to believe. Rosenberg knew what he was doing, IMO.

They lied. In the days and months to come regarding the story about “Michigan Players Practice A Lot,” let us not forget the fact that Rosenberg and Snyder lied to their readers.

(Side note: and let’s not forget Jim Carty’s oh-so-haughty “OMG This.Is.Huge!” response to this scandal, along with his ridiculous defense of his BFF Rosenberg’s work on this piece. Unfortunately, Mr. Carty has restricted his blog and so we can’t link him and hold him accountable for his asshattery. How convenient. Carty, if you’re out there and you’re not too busy blowing your Torts prof for a passing grade “in law school,” then I’d appreciate you emailing me your thoughts on Rosenberg’s work.)

Put that fucking donut down, get your ass in here and show me how this email works again. Every time I hit “send” it copies in some kid in Arkansas.

Rich

From: Rich Rodriguez (hotrod@michiganfootball.com) – 11/1/09, 7:14 AM
To: Michigan Football Staff
Cc: Mike Barwis (wolverinepiss@michiganfootball.com)
Subject: NEW GAME – NEW GOALS

First, a happy Sunday to everyone. Thank you also for sacrificing your day off to come in and begin preparation for the Purdue game. As you know, in six days we play for bowl eligibility. Again. To win we must have tremendous execution in every phase of the game.

Scary as Purdue is, I know we can win this game. Those in doubt should take a look at what we have achieved in the last 12 months. When we came here at the beginning of 2008 this team had gone soft and stale, and Bill Martin gave me a monumental task.

He said, “make us proud and win.” Well, we’ve won a few games. And we’ve made some people proud. Remember the Notre Dame game?

He said, “just don’t lose to a MAC team.” We did in fact do this, but as they say in the Lion King it’s all in the past. Hakuna Matata.

He said, “fix that donkeyshit defense.” Well, I brought in Greg Robinson to shake things up on that side of the ball, and the results have been exciting (to say the least)!

He said, “just get to a bowl, dammit.” Then he said, “you have three years hick” and left to go sailing. And now, we are on the verge of getting to a bowl and keeping our jobs for another year (or more!).

We should all be extremely proud of our efforts. We are a long way from fielding a championship caliber team, but we’ve made progress and we’re on the verge of achieving a breakthrough- a bowl game in Detroit!

Let’s do everything we can to BEAT PURDUE! GO BLUE!

Rich Rodriguez
Head Coach
University of Michigan Football
“Country roads take me home”

From: Ryan Mallett (gunforhire@pigsooeyfootball.com) – 11/1/09 7:20 AM
To: Rich Rodriguez (hotrod@michiganfootball.com)
Cc:
Subject: Re: NEW GAME – NEW GOALS

I REMEMBER PURDUE CHICKS THEY WERE UGLY ENGINEERS. KINDA FAT TOO, BUT THAT’S OK BECAUSE THEY WERE SLUTS. OMG IT’S EARLY I JUST GOT BACK FROM THE BARS AND NOW I’M GOING TO BANG THIS BLOND RIGHT HERE ON THE COUCH. I CAN GO ALL NIGHT *AND* ALL DAY THAT’S HOW I ROLL.

THESE GUNS ARE FOR SALE,

RYAN

From: Rich Rodriguez (hotrod@michiganfootball.com) – 11/1/09, 7:21 AM
To: Greg Frey (freydaddy@michiganfootball.com)
Cc:
Subject: Your fat ass

Get your fucking nose out of Chef’s Weekly and explain why, despite your lazy efforts, the fucking line can’t get 1 fucking yard in four fucking tries my last email went to goddamn Ryan Mallett. That asshat is like a dirty penny.

Also, for some reason changes I make to text don’t fully disappear. What the fuck is “track changes,” you miserable tub of cooking oil?

Rich Rodriguez
Head Coach
University of Michigan Football
“Country roads take me home”

From: Bruce Madej, Sports Information Director (sid@michiganfootball.com) – 11/1/09 8:30 AM
To: Michigan Football Staff
Cc: Rick Trickett (trickyrick@seminolefootball.com)
Subject: Changes

Sadly, Greg Frey has decided to leave the staff and is no longer assisting the offense. We wish him well in his new career in the culinary arts. However, we have been able to land Rick Trickett as the interim offensive line coach, until a permanent decision is made in the offseason. We’re in the process of installing a new email account for Rick, but in the meantime please correspond with him at his old Florida State address (copied in this email).

Bruce Madej
Sports Information

From: Calvin Magee (calvinball@michiganfootball.com) – 11/1/09 9:01 AM
To: Michigan Offensive Staff
Cc: Rich Rodriguez (hotrod@michiganfootball.com), Mike Barwis (wolverinepiss@michiganfootball.com)
Subject: Sack Up and Get Ready To Go

You need no reminding of the importance of the Purdue game. This is the big one. The Goal. Our Rose Bowl. A chance for The Pizza Bowl.

Coach Rodriguez and Freddie Jack will brief us at noon in the conference room. Be ready, be sharp, but you’d better be there.

Cal

From: Fred Jackson (fastestever@michiganfootball.com) – 11/1/09 9:06 AM
To: Calvin Magee (calvinball@michiganfootball.com)
Cc:
Subject: Re: Sack Up and Get Ready To Go

Calvin, I know you think this is no big deal, but please stop calling me “Freddie Jack” in front of the rest of the staff. That nickname is for use only in private, and as Head Coach of the Backs Who Run Fast I find it’s better to remain above the peasants. See you at noon.

Best Regards,

Fred Jonathan Jackson
Head Coach of the Backs Who Run Fast
University of Michigan Football
“Those Who Stay Will Be Champions”

From: Greg Robinson (pertandbouncy@michiganfootball.com) – 11/1/09 9:11 AM
To: Michigan Defensive Staff
Cc:
Subject: Ideas?

Guys, we really need to put something together that actually works for the Purdue game. I’m thinking maybe we should switch Troy Woolfolk over to a new position, one that I’ve termed the “Prellbacker,” and simultaneously we move Brandon Graham over to the “Coconut Creme” side of the line…I’ll explain at our 3 PM meeting, but everyone else please bring ideas too!

Whew! Ok, off to the showers!

Greg Robinson
Defensive Coordinator
University of Michigan Football
“If You Don’t Look Good, We Don’t Look Good”

From: Fred Jackson (fastestever@michiganfootball.com) – 11/1/09 9:15 AM
To: Tony Dews (tonytonitone@michiganfootball.com)
Cc:
Subject: Rick Trickett

Tony, as Head Coach of the Backs Who Run Fast I will not be able to devote the time needed to bring Rick Trickett up to speed on getting the offensive line functioning. Since you are lower in seniority, I humbly request that you “show him the ropes” this afternoon before practice. Let’s make sure we don’t have another o-line coach walk out the door, yes yes?

Best Regards,

Fred Jonathan Jackson
Head Coach of the Backs Who Run Fast
University of Michigan Football
“Those Who Stay Will Be Champions”

From: Bruce Madej, Sports Information Director (sid@michiganfootball.com) – 11/1/09 9:35 AM
To: Michigan Football Staff
Cc:
Subject: Email composition problems – URGENT

Please be careful when composing emails for the time being as any deletions, corrections, etc. you make won’t disappear but will instead show up as text with a line through it. This is the “track changes” feature that was installed by Scott Shafer last year, in his valiant effort to increase collaboration amongst the staff. We are still not entirely familiar with how he put this in but we had managed to turn it off of each of the individual accounts and keep this “bug” away from our emails. However, anytime a user toggles this setting individually it becomes the default setting for the entire group, and inexplicably some as yet unknown user has done this.

For the rest of the morning our administrative staff will be visiting your computers to ensure that all individual accounts have the “track changes” setting turned off. We’ll start with the grad assistants and move up from there- obviously an important week like this requires that we stay out of the coaches’ way, especially the head coach!

Bruce Madej
Sports Information

From: Fred Jackson (fastestever@michiganfootball.com) – 11/1/09 9:36 AM
To: Rick Trickett (trickyrick@seminolefootball.com)
Cc: Tony Dews (tonytonitone@michiganfootball.com)
Subject: Welcome to the Trenches

Rick, tremendous apologies to you for my not being able to personally brief you on the duties of the offensive line. As you are aware we are in the midst of an extremely important game prep week that will (cross your fingers!) enable us to go to the Pizza Bowl. I’m sure you’re a little confused as to how to coach these fat bearded mules lazy slow goobers “Miniature Paul Bunyans,” but Tony Dews has been made available to answer all your questions.

Best Regards,

Fred Jonathan Jackson
Head Coach of the Backs Who Run Fast
University of Michigan Football
“Those Who Stay Will Be Champions”

From: Ryan Mallett (gunforhire@pigsooeyfootball.com) – 11/1/09 10:03 AM
To: Rich Rodriguez (hotrod@michiganfootball.com)
Cc:
Subject: Re: Your fat ass

DIRTY PENNIES ARE FOR HOOKERS NOT SLUTS AND I DON’T PAY FOR MY SEX. IN FACT THEY SHOULD PAY ME THAT’S HOW GOOD I AM AT SLUTBANGING. WOO SOOEY I’M STILL DRUNK AND LOOKING TO SCORE JUST LIKE IN THE GAME BITCH!

MY ARM IS ILLEGAL IN CANADA,

RYAN

From: Tony Dews (tonytonitone@michiganfootball.com) – 11/1/09 10:17 AM
To: Rick Trickett (trickyrick@seminolefootball.com)
Cc:
Subject: The Big Uglies

Hi Rick, I’m Tony and I’ll be helping you take over coaching the o-line. Fred Jackson asked me to brief you on your new duties, but I’m a little busy right now getting ready for Purdue. I’ll check in with you this afternoon, but in the meantime below please find a few “rules of thumb” to follow:

• Head Coach Rich Rodriguez: it’s important to remember that “RichRod” (as the press likes to call him) is a complete noob when it comes to technology, and the o-line coach is his primary staffer that helps him in this area. This includes sending emails, playing videos (of either games or “The Lion King”), texting recruits, etc. This is your first and most important duty. Otherwise, generally stay out of his way at all times possible because RichRod’s temper is short and after losses he can be brutal to his assistants.
• Fred Jonathan Jackson, Head Coach of the Backs Who Run Fast: theoretically, the offensive line is supposed to “open holes” for the kids that Fred Jackson coaches. So again, theoretically you work “under” Fred Jackson and he will constantly attempt to remind you of this “fact.” In reality, however, it’s the offensive coordinator that is in charge, and “Freddie Jack” is just a position coach like the rest of us. His (completely fabricated) title sounds grand and he likes to put on airs about how important (and FAST never forget FAST lol) his kids are, but remember Calvin runs the show. Politely ignore Freddie Jack and you’ll save yourself a lot of time and aggravation.
• Calvin Magee, Offensive Coordinator: the director, the producer, the planner, the general, the Guy That Gets It Done. Seriously, do what he says and you’ll be fine.
• Greg Robinson, Defensive Coordinator: rarely does anyone ever see Greg outside the locker room. Nobody knows what he does around here, except take lots of showers and stare at himself in the mirror. Besides, he’s on defense so you don’t need to worry about him.
• Position Coaches: you’re one of us now, and just like the rest of us you’re basically responsible for actually doing what the coordinators deem to be a “good” thing. I’m in charge of receivers so I’m mainly focused on getting the skinny kids to catch and hold on to the damn ball. You should be mainly focused on keeping our freshman quarterbacks (coached by my buddy Rod Smith) from getting hit too much, and also keep them from committing too many penalties (BTW that reminds me you’re going to have to talk to Mark Ortmann, I’ll explain later).

See ‘ya,

Tony Dews
Receivers Coach
University of Michigan Football
“Do the Dew”

From: Jay Hopson (hopalong@michiganfootball.com) – 11/1/09 10:41 AM
To: Greg Robinson (pertandbouncy@michiganfootball.com)
Cc: Rich Rodriguez (hotrod@michiganfootball.com), Tony Gibson (tonyton1tone@michiganfootball.com), Bruce Tall (notshort@michiganfootball.com)
Subject: Re: Ideas?

Greg, can I be excused from the Purdue gameplanning? I’ve got this line on some really great safety recruits in Mississippi and Louisiana, and I think it would be better for the team long term if I focused on landing them. Keeping up with them on Facebook and Twitter and IMing them constantly is going to put me out of commission for the next couple weeks. Sorry!

Jay Hopson
Linebackers Coach
University of Michigan
“The South Will Rise Again”

From: Tony Gibson (tonyton1tone@michiganfootball.com) – 11/1/09 10:53 AM
To: Bruce Tall (notshort@michiganfootball.com), Mike Barwis (wolverinepiss@michiganfootball.com)
Cc:
Subject: NEW GAME, SAME SHIT

There goes another game and another weekend. How was it for you guys? I think I’m still drunk from last night. Speaking of which, Mike you are INSANE you are going to die young if you continue to drink that stuff! I mean, the urine of your pet wolves, srsly?

Surprise surprise, Jay is AWOL from the gameplanning…again. Southern recruits are like Lucy’s football to him, I wonder if he’ll ever learn. I’ve got a special “game video” for our 5 o clock “film session” today- this one has a cheerleader scene. I previewed it last night, gents you won’t be disappointed.

Tony

From: Mike Barwis (wolverinepiss@michiganfootball.com) – 11/1/09 11:02 AM
To: Tony Gibson (tonyton1tone@michiganfootball.com), Bruce Tall (notshort@michiganfootball.com)
Cc:
Subject: Re: NEW GAME, SAME SHIT

Tony, when are you going to learn that the URINE OF FERAL BEASTS is the key to eternal youth? Look at me- I’m 40 years old but I’ve got the body of a 25 year old. Do you think that happens NATURALLY? OF COURSE NOT- I have the fluid from “Sturm” and “Drang” to thank for that.

Looking forward to the video session. You might want to invite RichRod too- he loves cheerleaders.

MIKE BARWIS
STRENGTH AND CONDITIONING COORDINATOR
UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN FOOTBALL
“PUT THAT CUPCAKE DOWN!”

From: Rich Rodriguez (hotrod@michiganfootball.com) – 11/1/09 11:25 AM
To: Greg Robinson (pertandbouncy@michiganfootball.com)
Cc:
Subject: Dixie dipshit

Greg, has there been any game that useless turd Jay has helped plan for? I’m tired of him conning us with these bible belt recruits that end up taking their official visits in fucking November and realize, correctly, that it’s cold in Michigan and no way are they coming here. He’s wasting his time, and have you seen our linebacker play? Honestly, if we don’t win Purdue I’m sending him on a one-way ticket to Biloxi.

Rich Rodriguez
Head Coach
University of Michigan Football
“Country roads take me home”

Auto-Reply From: Greg Robinson (pertandbouncy@michiganfootball.com) – 11/1/09 11:26 AM
To: Rich Rodriguez (hotrod@michiganfootball.com)
Cc:
Subject: Re: Dixie dipshit

Hello, if you’re getting this message then you’ve unfortunately caught me away from my desk. I assure you that your message is very important to me and I will address it as soon as possible.

In the meantime, here’s a handy haircare tip- did you know that alcohol-based hairspray products can damage roots and dry out the scalp? When styling one’s hair, be sure to use moisturizing gels. The more you know…

Thanks and Go Blue!

Greg Robinson
Defensive Coordinator
University of Michigan Football
“If You Don’t Look Good, We Don’t Look Good”

From: Ryan Mallett (gunforhire@pigsooeyfootball.com) – 11/1/09 11:59 AM
To: Rich Rodriguez (hotrod@michiganfootball.com)
Cc:
Subject: Re: Dixie dipshit

I’VE BEEN DOING A LOT OF DIPPING IN DIXIE IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, I MEAN “BANGING SOUTHERN SLUTS” IF YOU DIDN’T KNOW. I DO THIS ALL DAY LONG, TIME FOR LUNCH GOTTA FUEL UP FOR A LONG AFTERNOON OF THROWING TOUCHDOWNS AND A LONGER NIGHT OF BANGING DIXIE CHICKS.

YOU WISH YOU WERE ME,

RYAN

(To be continued?)

*This concept and a lot of the dialogue has been shamelessly ripped from this book. Media giants please don’t sue us.

Is he Adam or Jesus? Please pick one.

 (Via. mgoblog.com)

The gaze of the full moon illuminated Tate Forcier’s slumbering face with a beautiful golden sheen that matched the maize in Forcier’s maize and blue one-piece-footie PJs. It was a marvelous early autumn night in Ann Arbor. A little cool. Just what your uncle would call, “good sleeping weather.” Normally, I’d mention a chorus of birds that were singing our cherubic hero a lullaby, but birds don’t sing at night and aren’t generally heard through a closed third story window. So, the only sounds were the snuffling and snorting that emanated from the dark corner where Forcier’s roommate wrestled with sleep. The smile on young Tate’s face momentarily disappeared as the roommate passed gas prodigiously. But it was just a passing cloud and the relaxed contentment returned to that beatific face.

The stillness of the night was rent asunder as a booming baritone voice accompanied by a pounding on the door rolled through the room like staccato bursts of thunder.

“Open in the name of the People! Comrade Forcier, the Wolverine Liberation Army requests a word with you.”

Just as Forcier’s eyes began to clear the mist of sleep, the door burst open and 3 figures dressed in black with black face masks, emblazoned with red unicorns, spilled into the room. They grabbed Forcier and pulled him towards the door.

“The WLA requests an audience with you.”

Tate, utterly confused reached out for his dresser–where he kept his brah necklaces and Live Strong bracelets.

The baritone voice again. “The Revolution is not concerned with your accessories, brah-cephus. The State will provide.” And with that young Tate’s world suddenly went black, as a canvas bag was thrust over his head.

The next few minutes were a rush of black confusion as Tate was blindly shuffled down the stairs and out into the night and then transported frantically across campus on a trio of sputtering mopeds. More shuffling, again down stairs. He felt himself shoved down into a chair. Then the baritone, this time in his ear, so close he was engulfed in a penumbra of tequila and olives, “we love you to pieces, Brah-braham Lincoln. But this is for your own good.”

And with that, there was light and Forcier could see again. He found himself in a dark room. Cinder block walls, bare concrete floor. The ceiling was obscured in a tangle of pipes—one dripped intermittently into a puddle on the floor. The only illumination came from a single light bulb swinging on a cord that grew from the darkness beyond the pipes. On the wall facing Forcier hung a propaganda picture of Rich Rodriguez gazing into the distance. Beneath the picture of the Fearless Leader sat two men at a table. The first, a man dressed in an absurd pink and green sweater bearing the crest of one of the usual Elite East Coast Private Schools and a pair of kakhis, was scribbling on a piece of paper. The second, younger man, wearing an unfortunate mustache and John Navarre Michigan jersey, looked on irritated.

PORNSTACHE NAVARRE MAN: Can we get started?

EAST COAST LIBERAL ELITE: Hold on. I’m just finishing up this thank you note to Charlie Weis. Did you want to sign it?

PORNSTACHE NAVARRE MAN: Can I sign it “Get. Fucked. You fat fuck?”

EAST COAST LIBERAL ELITE: I’ll just sign it WLA.

PORNSTACHE NAVARRE MAN: I think “Please kill urself” would be better.

About then Forcier coughed, if it was due to the damp basement air or to get noticed was not clear.

PORNSTACHE NAVARRE MAN, turned to recognize Forcier for the first time.

PORNSTACHE NAVARRE MAN: Good evening Comrade Forcier. I do hope that we didn’t disturb your sleep, but it was required. We have heard some disturbing stories that we wanted to verify first hand with you. We have heard that you are called The White Jesus. Are you The White Jesus?

TATE FORCIER: Thou sayest it.

PORNSTACHE NAVARRE MAN: Am I supposed to understand what that means? Look Comrade, we’ve heard that you claim to never get nervous. Like on every channel, you seem to be claiming this.

TATE FORCIER: I don’t even know how to get nervous.

PORNSTACHE NAVARRE MAN: While I’m totally sure that’s complete bullshit couldn’t you just say maybe you get a little nervous occasionally? Because, I’m thinking that probably sometime soon, you’re going to do something absurdly freshman-like, say, run out of the back of the end zone on accident. Wouldn’t it be better to just admit that maybe you get a little nervous—anxious—stressed out–before that happens and it’s completely obvious?

TATE FORCIER: Only those who have been defeated by failure need fear it.

PORNSTACHE NAVARRE MAN: Would it be too much to ask that you just stop talking about how un-nervous your entire existence is? Maybe just so that the superstitious amongst us can sleep at night?

Before Tate could answer a tall handsome man, wearing a dirty bartender’s apron burst into the room.

EXCITABLE LATE GUY: Hey guys, sorry I’m late. There was this babe that I was feeding free drinks to all night long so when I got off… You guys know how it is. (to PORNSTACHE NAVARRE MAN) well maybe you don’t. (Then to EAST COAST LIBERAL ELITE) You must. (Then, finally noticing TATE FORCIER.) Oh my God, you’re already here! Dude, you rock so hard! WE ARE GOING TO BE A MACHINE!

EAST COAST LIBERAL ELITE: Do I have to remind you why we are here?

EXCITABLE LATE GUY: (Chagrined.) Oh yeah, look dude, these guys really want you to stop telling everyone you never get nervous.

EAST COAST LIBERAL ELITE: Comrade Forcier, this was found in your bed tonight. (Holding up a stuffed, toy wolverine.) Can you explain this?

TATE FORCIER: Oh, that’s just Mr. Tickles.

EAST COAST LIBERAL ELITE glanced sideways at the others. A look of disdain on his face. Suddenly he shot up out of his chair, tearing an exquisite loafer from his foot and slamming his now barefoot onto the cool concrete.

EAST COAST LIBERAL ELITE: (now pounding the loafer on the table) DENARD WILL DEFEAT YOU!

EXCITABLE LATE GUY: Dude, you must chill. Look Tate, let me shoot something by you. I was hoping to name my first son after you. But see, the thing is, I like, well, bigger ladies. And, I’m just thinking it wouldn’t be right to name a chubby kid after yo…

EAST COAST LIBERAL ELITE: DAMN IT NINJA WOULD YOU SHUT UP!

PORNSTACHE NAVARRE MAN: Crap chitown, I thought we were trying to stay anonymous.

EAST COAST LIBERAL ELITE: Jebus, this is a fiasco. (then to no one in particular) LIGHTS!

And with that the room was plunged into complete darkness. Tate heard a strange “CAW CAW!” followed by a loud crash. Then a “DAMNIT.” Shortly after the lights came back on.

Tate sat alone again in the basement of Angel Hall.

Not the least bit nervous.